Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public, she needed to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at the local grocery store. I've had really bad gas lately, and I accidentally let one go while standing in line. The woman behind me thought it was her kid, and smacked him for farting in public. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said, "That was my daughter." FML
Today, I accidentally farted while shopping. There was an awkward silence followed by a god-awful stink and a lady's little girl bursting into tears. FML
Today, I was working at a children's play centre, and my stomach was twisting and turning. Thinking no one was around, I let out a small fart, only to turn and see a little girl running to her mom, yelling, "Mommy! Mommy! That lady just farted and it sounded like daddy!" FML
Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML
Today, I was at Walmart with my mom when a guy next to me let out a series of vicious farts. Assuming it was me, my mom chewed me out in front of the guy and made me apologize. The man looked at my mom and said, "Children, they're so immature." FML
Today, while at the grocery store an elderly woman farted very loudly next to me. Everyone in the aisle looked our way. The woman pointed at me, and left the aisle. I received many disgusted looks from children and their parents. FML
Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Today, while standing in line at the store, I thought I could let a small fart slip and blame it on the guy behind me. I did it, then turned to glare at him in disgust, only for him to turn and yell at the crowd, “This bitch farted, not me!” FML
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Top comments
BntyHntrSeattle 30
There are so many things wrong with this. Sorry.
nix1993 41
Say nothing, stay completely calm, lull her into a false sense of security. Then go home and dutch oven the little brat.
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Comments (102)
Destro109 20
fyl
FracturedMinds 21
I hear they have a button you can press for that. Maybe I'm imagining things... I do that sometimes.
hazardmuffin 21
fyl for having a husband who thinks its okay to teach your kids to essentially body shame.
brandoneyez1 25
Sounds like it was a setup
Cagara_fml 10
I don't know which should upset you most, your hubby encouraging your daughter on such a gross behavior or on the fact that she has to pin that on someone else
sanecatlady 13
Maybe it was something she that she just blurted out of embarrassment. :)
ThankYouGoodbye 14
FML if you are thin. YDI if you're actually fat. How hard is it to spend some minutes to exercise and stay healthy?
squideth 18
You're straight-up a terrible asshole. Being thin doesn't automatically equal healthy. Mentality like yours is what causes eating disorders.
Gityerchicken 12
Parents should be teaching their children personal responsibility. That's what's wrong with our society. A fart's a fart. Be proud and own it!
breakinlegs 19
blame it on the dog then nobody gets hurt!
breakinlegs 19
I would have been like "Yes, it was me! I'm the most stinky fart maker in all of the land! Dear to have a dual?"
chris_ohhhh 7
Suplex the bitch