Today, like an idiot, I accidentally included stuff I learned from snooping in my daughter's secret diary during a conversation with her. She's not happy at me right now, so I may have to polish off my old grovelling skills from when I was still married to her mom. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I checked my sister's diary, because I was worried about her recent angry and withdrawn behavior. She caught me in the act, and my mom, whom I've caught blatantly snooping through my stuff multiple times now, grounded me for my "disgusting" violation of my sister's privacy. FML
Today, feeling very distant from my daughter recently, I decided to sneak a peek in her diary to see what was on her mind. The book was apparently one of those that play the sound of a woman screaming when opened improperly, and alerted everyone in the house to my actions. FML
Today, I have to admit I sometimes snoop in my daughter's room, but she must have realised this because she has started laying booby traps for me. I'm currently in the ER getting fishing hooks removed from my hand after she taped them to a mousetrap and left the mousetrap inside her desk drawer. I deserve it but, FML
Today, I confronted my daughter about the various drug-associated items I found in her room. She then confronted me about going in her room and invading her privacy, to the point where I forgot the main issue and apologised to her. I just got outsmarted by a teenage pothead. FML
Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
Today, my fiancé told my mom that she screwed me up. I now have to write an apologetic e-mail to her for something that I agree with, in order for her to stop calling me crying. FML
Today, I was helping my mom look for some money she'd misplaced. At my wit's end, I flipped through her diary, in case she'd hidden it between the pages as she has before. Didn't find the money, but I did find out she might well be cheating on my dad. FML
Today, I found myself lying to my diary. FML
Today, I found my long lost diary and curiously read it. What's worse than finding out that your mother read your diary? Finding out that your mother wrote comments in it. FML
Today, I convinced my daughter to tell my wife that the coworker she’s been getting a bit too close to lately touched her inappropriately so she’d stop interacting with him. After arguing and confrontation between the four of us, my daughter threw me under the bus and told them the truth. Now they’re all mad at me. FML
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Top comments
cacheson 42
Sounds like maybe there was a reason your wife divorced you.
Grizz8831 14
Unless your daughter has done something to warrant a severe lack of trust, snooping through her things is uncalled for. my parents did it to me, and I got better at both lying and hiding things, mostly to keep privacy on basic things. don't treat you child like a prison inmate, unless she's talked about suicide, into hard drugs or something that is a major risk to her or another's safety. Trust until she gives you a reason not to...
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Comments (8)
cacheson 42
Sounds like maybe there was a reason your wife divorced you.
mike3775 39
I see you don’t value privacy much. I have a 17 yr old daughter who has been writing in diaries since she was 7, and I have zero idea what she has written outside of what she has shown me, because I value her privacy. Hell I don’t even snoop through my kids rooms, as I hated when my parents would do that when I was a kid.
mary_resz 7
G
Grizz8831 14
Unless your daughter has done something to warrant a severe lack of trust, snooping through her things is uncalled for. my parents did it to me, and I got better at both lying and hiding things, mostly to keep privacy on basic things. don't treat you child like a prison inmate, unless she's talked about suicide, into hard drugs or something that is a major risk to her or another's safety. Trust until she gives you a reason not to...
RichardPencil 32
If your wife left, I'd say your groveling skills need a major overhaul. Ask Ted Cruz or Lindsay Graham for advice. They are world-class snivelers.
Anderling 33
You’re saying a teenage girl /doesn’t/ want to have her privacy grossly invaded and her boundaries trampled all over? Say it ain’t so.
JasonThorn 23
That thing that just flew away, never to be seen again? Yeah, that was your CREDIBILITY as a parent.
repKyle95 24
No wonder your wife left you, if you're as bad of a husband as you are a dad.