Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public, she needed to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at the local grocery store. I've had really bad gas lately, and I accidentally let one go while standing in line. The woman behind me thought it was her kid, and smacked him for farting in public. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said, "That was my daughter." FML
Today, I accidentally farted while shopping. There was an awkward silence followed by a god-awful stink and a lady's little girl bursting into tears. FML
Today, I was working at a children's play centre, and my stomach was twisting and turning. Thinking no one was around, I let out a small fart, only to turn and see a little girl running to her mom, yelling, "Mommy! Mommy! That lady just farted and it sounded like daddy!" FML
Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML
Today, I was at Walmart with my mom when a guy next to me let out a series of vicious farts. Assuming it was me, my mom chewed me out in front of the guy and made me apologize. The man looked at my mom and said, "Children, they're so immature." FML
Today, while at the grocery store an elderly woman farted very loudly next to me. Everyone in the aisle looked our way. The woman pointed at me, and left the aisle. I received many disgusted looks from children and their parents. FML
Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Today, while standing in line at the store, I thought I could let a small fart slip and blame it on the guy behind me. I did it, then turned to glare at him in disgust, only for him to turn and yell at the crowd, “This bitch farted, not me!” FML
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Top comments
BntyHntrSeattle 30
There are so many things wrong with this. Sorry.
nix1993 41
Say nothing, stay completely calm, lull her into a false sense of security. Then go home and dutch oven the little brat.
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Comments (102)
toxicfishwaffle 3
Damn, your husband's an ass.
kmartFTW 12
That's when you should actually fart in her face. give her pink eye. I believe that would teach her a nice lesson¡
leary96 15
Well at least you didn't raise a lier.
perdix 31
Explain how genetics works and what her fate may be.
AlifromSomerset 1
If you're from the UK, why on earth are you spelling it 'Mommy'???
Cujo3269 9
Are you that big? If so, get working on it
kmartFTW 12
Send the brat to boot camp and divorce his ass!!
dachayke 16
A bit harsh, don't you think?
Ley135 20
My momma would have been horrified had I done that in public lol
UnumPhenomenous 3
Huh you're in the UK but she said mommy instead of mummy. I'm calling bullshit on this fml
Km1490 20
children dont lie..