Today, my husband got jealous of my new vibrator. I got the vibrator to "spice things up" between us, because he hasn't touched me in months. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was looking for my passport and I found my wife's new vibrator (that she failed to tell me she'd purchased). I understand now why she doesn't want sex with me anymore. That thing is much bigger than I am. FML
Today, I found out my husband is a cuck. After explaining that I'm not exactly satisfied in the bedroom, we were thinking of ideas to spice things up. I suggested buying a few toys he could use on me. He immediately got mad, because he wanted me to find other men to screw instead. FML
Today, for the third time this week, I came home to my wife asleep in bed, her pants down, and her vibrator in her hand. She keeps refusing sex because she "isn't in the mood" and insists there's nothing wrong. To rub salt in the wound, I bought her the vibrator as a gift, hoping to spice things up. FML
Today, I have an incredibly high sex drive. My boyfriend doesn't. He made me throw away my, rarely used, sex toys because he's jealous of them. I wouldn't need them if we had sex more. FML
Today, my husband came home, threw me over his shoulder, and carried me to the bedroom. Furious, I shrieked to be put down and demanded an explanation. He said, "I thought you wanted us to be more spontaneous…" Apparently, that means he should treat me like a sex toy. FML
Today, my boyfriend confessed that he felt so insecure he submerged my $80 vibrator in water to eliminate the competition. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend secretly purchased a vibrator and has been using it for the past two weeks. When I confronted her, her only argument was "It's made me cum more times than you could." FML
Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating. I thought it was hot and asked if I could join in. He threw me a disgusted look and screamed that I’d ruined the whole mood. Now we’re both unsatisfied. FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, I couldn't find my vibrator. After searching for an hour I decided to ask my husband. He quickly shook his head no. We've been married for ten years. I know when he's lying. FML
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Top comments
julfunky 29
If I hadn’t touched him in months I’d say it’s to be expected.
RichardPencil 32
A man can never match the frequencies of the machine. Truth Hertz.
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Comments (34)
acmariner99 25
Maybe you two should, I dunno, talk?
dexter420 21
Maybe he would prefer you bring home a strap on
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Talk about bad vibes!
dexter420 21
Its ok for a woman to make the first move. Haven’t you been watching the news? Equality
ezrajab 22
Have him buy a sex robot
Sinshine 28
How insecure do you have to be to feel bad about your partner having toys?
DanielleinDC 34
If he hasn't touched you in months, you need to talk about why. I get that you're trying to spice things up, but a conversation before you bought the vibrator might have been a better way to go.
Inkoseh 33
Counseling.
MitiMiki 16
Agree with many here. The bigger issue is the lack of intimacy. Unfortunately, as important as it is to a healthy relationship, it is often one of the most difficult to talk about. Lack of interest in sex can indicate more serious health issues. I suggest you try to talk about it and if you need help, seek counseling.
rs7797 9
that is even better for him, he is damn lucky he has a good woman like you, and should be happy its only a vibrator and not a person