Today, I was having the most wonderful bath. The water was steaming, the bubbles were bubbly, and I was reading a really good book. I put my book down to yawn and looked to my right. My gaze was met by the lovely face of my brother's pet tarantula. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a bath in the bathroom we are currently renovating. There's a big hole in the middle of the floor. When I got out of the bath, I swung one leg across the gap to get a towel from the rack. I drew back my leg and looked down to see my brother's hot friend staring up at me in horror. FML
Today, with water in my eyes, I stepped out of the shower and rubbed my face with a towel. When I looked in the mirror, I realized there had been a giant spider on the towel. Its guts and legs were smeared all over my face. FML
Today, knowing that I have severe arachnophobia, my brother brought over his friend's tarantula. One hour later, the spider got loose. It's been 5 hours and I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML
Today, I was taking a bath after a long day at work. I closed my eyes and listened to music. My cat thought this was the perfect time to come out of his hiding spot and jump in the bath. Once he realized it was filled with water, he freaked out and dug his claws into my face. FML
Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML
Today, my sister told me she found my escaped tarantula and put it in a box on my bed. I never had a tarantula, and the box was empty when I checked. FML
Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
Today, I was taking a shower when I noticed the huge spider above my head. Now, being the smart person I am, I sprayed the water up at it, causing it to fall. Right on my face. FML
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Top comments
machiko_fml 0
Haha. I think he wanted to take a bath too.
skyeyez9 25
Its a perv spider, watching you bathe. It was gonna use it's spider legs to give you a scalp massage and lather the shampoo in your hair.
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Comments (195)
machiko_fml 0
Haha. I think he wanted to take a bath too.
grace9856 0
eww
hippiechick96 3
and the lovely face of your brother's pet tarantula was met by that good book? :)
HahaHokayThen 10
"Today, I was taking a wonderful bath and reading a book, when I placed my book down in the water, yawned, and found myself staring at a large drowning spider."
livvbabyy 0
haa. I find this good. athe tarantula wante in on the action:D
regine22joy 0
in Soviet Russia ..
Cjw1220 0
Spider fly helicopter.
lm27 5
this one time, there was a spider on the wall of my bathroom whole I was peeing so I freaked out and peed all over the wall to kill it....I missed and had to clean the mess up too..
Cjw1220 0
Jumping Jesus on a Pogo Stick!
MrSassypants 34
wee woo! wee woo! It's a "SIRIN" You guys will get what I mean soon.
clarkie_boi_8494 0
you sound like a bitch
KingDingALing 9
26- Me to. I stand on a chair and start yelling "Eek! Eek! Eek!"
mcxhunni 0
81, you are ******* HOT.
buddyybearx3 0
that's exactly what I had in mind^^
Hannerzzz 0
tarantulas meet your gaze?
seanders 10
It just liked the warmth should let him on you.:)
RoxRoidz 0
No he didn't. He wanted to nip his snowglobes.
TYbarnes1995 13
At least he wasn't already in the tub
tkdkid33 0
cool
FMLandurstoo 9
YDI for having a brother
itsmeyippie 0
I forget does YDI mean you deserved it or you dumb idiot?
ShadowlessSpear 21
you dirty imbecile
ilovemunro 0
AHAHAHAHAHAH ! o godd i HATE spiders !! i would of died right there ! especially since it was a tarantula !! lmao xD
tdotgirl1 0
lmao!! I would have screamed and jumped out of the bath.
SpaceMannn 0
I sure hope you didn't pee in your bath water:o
iampunk 0
lmao.
zem5 0
did you pee in YOUR bath water?
chicalina27 5
I bet he did ;D
WolfsGuns 0
its a he?
TheOptimist 0
She's an it?
CiaraLovely 0
i would have screamed like someone in a horror film
bluelily_ 0
#7 - lmao
Cjw1220 0
#12; rofl
zem5 0
83, lmfao
lalagirl912 0
#84; lawl
foreverspellman 0
116- roflmao
SarahBearXoX 0
c-c-combo breakerrr Sorry, it had to be done (:
hahaalolz 0
CONTINUE - 136 roflcopter
hahaalolz 0
*138.
lolfood 24
No one here like Combe breakers.
lbeer 1
it would have been creepier if you hit it into the tub
DeathShad0 1
It wanted a bath too, OP. Don't be selfish.
Quest_ 13
Oh my goodness, I would have ******* shat my pants!
GraysonIsFail 0
Bathing in pants? What is this I don't even...
iampunk 0
You wear pants during a bath?
GiggidyPants 0
whats wrong with being fully clothed in the tub?
Quest_ 13
What I meant to articulate was that I would, hypothetically, be so overcome with shock and fright that the sheer velocity of my fear dump would have resulted in said slop exploding from my anus to splat all over the pants on the bathroom floor which I had previously discarded to bathe.
elmorous 0
i bet you would be an exciting date ... lol
GiggidyPants 0
holy **** that was a vivid description Quest
anorexicbarbie 8
28 That was one of the best things I've ever read.
GoLincecum 3
there's semen running down my leg after your description...
GoLincecum 3
after reading*
jwbbabe 9
135 , your cute but that's juust nasty . llol
WallyTheWombat 0
Quest, you're my new favorite person after that. That was simply amazing.
SirPlagueRat 6
Quest, that was the most beautiful thing I have ever read, it brought me to tears.
TheNewGuy03 29
quest, i tried to give you two thumbs up, but it didn't work. oh well, you're left with my sentiments. |the kid|
DocBastard 40
Tarantula /= pet. A pet should be something cute and cuddly. Like a boa constrictor or an inguanodon.
Geiko_fml 0
Bearded Dragon!
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Kangaroo!
tencentsakiss 19
I want a Brazilian python. I held one named Princess once. She was 7 feet long and really liked my boobs for some reason.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
I realize that as a ferret owner, this might sound hypocritical, but the pet snakes I've met have all been rather stinky. Anyone know why that is? That puts me off more than the common ick factor.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Snakes are like land fish and fish stink! idk
tencentsakiss 19
Hmmm, thats true for some snakes. I'm not really sure why though.
TheNewGuy03 29
snake, answer me! snake? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE |the kid|
DocBastard 40
tencents - Are you sure it was a girl snake? It it were a boy, that would certainly explain the propensity for your boobs. Jane - I can't explain why snakes smell, but I liken it to the "wet dog" smell. What's that all about? How can every dog smell EXACTLY the same when wet?
WolfsGuns 0
lol metal gear refrence ;)
sarah48_fml 0
I had a pet snake (red tail boa) and he never smelled, nor did his cage. I cleaned his cage every weekend. I have a few friends that have owned snakes and some of their snakes smelled because they didn't clean the cage often. If the snake is a boa, the cage gets pretty nasty if you don't clean it due to the mouse/rat guts and blood. Snake poop also smells really terrible lol.