Today, my husband bought me a cinnamon roll because my blood sugar was dangerously low. My first bite was easily the most delicious thing I'd eaten since getting pregnant. As I sat in frosting coated ecstasy, my husband snatched up the rest of the pastry and finished it himself. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I'm 7 months pregnant and craving sweets, I helped myself to my MIL's birthday cake a little early. The family got so angry, they actually made me leave the party. My husband agreed with them. FML
Today, thanks to pregnancy hormones, I had the most vivid dream of eating a caramel apple mousse cake with vanilla bean ice cream. Unfortunately, yesterday, also thanks to pregnancy hormones, I was diagnosed with diabetes. My dreams are taunting me. FML
Today, I woke up early to bake cinnamon rolls for a party. I came home later to find the whole tray spilled onto the floor, most of the rolls eaten, and my dog sitting happily nearby. FML
Today, my boyfriend said he felt like eating icing. So I baked him cupcakes, put icing on them and decorated them. When I handed them to him, he picked off the decoration, licked the icing and handed the cupcake back to me, saying, "I told you that's all I wanted." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I had sex. Later, she said the highlight of her day was getting a cupcake from the grocery store. FML
Today, I found out that my wife is pregnant again. During her last two pregnancies, she craved pop-tarts and screamed bloody murder at the drop of a hat, so I went out and bought a box for her. Turns out that this time, pop-tarts make her want to puke. Cue screaming. FML
Today, my boyfriend bought my favorite doughnuts for our anniversary. After settling down and pouring a glass of wine, I grabbed a doughnut and quickly realized the filling inside wasn't jelly. He thought it would be funny to replace it with toothpaste. FML
Today, I ate some amazing homemade brownies that my best friend's wife made for us. She waited till I'd shoved a third one into my mouth before she mentioned she made them with breast milk. Knowing her, I don't even doubt it was true. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML
Today, I went to the doctor, only to find out I can no longer eat chocolate, my favorite food. When I got home, my boyfriend took the chocolate cake I'd been eating from the fridge, sat down in front of me, and ate the whole thing without breaking eye contact. FML
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Top comments
ciarafox9 9
My mouth was watering reading this..
Mirorbo 27
....Must I point out the obvious? Your husband is a dick...
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Comments (237)
Shadow_Phantom 26
What the ****? FYL.
22cute 17
You're writing an FML about a bun??
HomeAl0ne 20
At least he'll let you finish off the anchovies and toothpaste on pickles that you be craving later tonight.
ohmandapants 17
Aaannnddd then your morning sickness kicked in all over him?
Ryan98_fml 0
what a ******
sonangedemusique 2
........wow.
gracedollface 0
I freaking hate the word pastry......
perdix 31
Is there a reason? In that part of the dictionary, I hate "pasty" because I'm thinking "pasties" and it means something completely ugly. I also hate "pantry," because it makes me think of "panty," and is just a sissified way of saying a place to store food.
Lenho 26
What a douche. And yep, he should think of the baby... and of you too.
Friaza 29
I'm pretty sure the baby would've rather had an apple though.
perdix 31
He doesn't want you to get fat, because he wants to continue to **** you during your pregnancy. Then, after the Days of Frequent ******** (aka the days following your child's birth), he wants you to be skinny again, so he can make you pregnant again. That's how men think and if it means stealing a Cinnabon and stuffing it in your face, that's what it will have to be.
justfortehlolz 0
all i can say is.. OM NOM NOM
alliecat76 0
Typical selfish bastard