Today, my husband asked me if I was really pregnant or if I was just smuggling cheeseburgers. I'm now referred to as "the hamburgler." I'm only 5 months pregnant. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I am six months pregnant and have been lactating. When I noticed this and pointed it out to my husband, I jokingly stated that I felt like a cow. He then replied. "Oh, you're not a cow. At most you're just a fat pig." He still has no clue why I'm upset. FML
Today, my husband wants me to apologize for getting angry when his father told me I'm getting so fat that I look like a whale. I'm not fat, I'm just 8 months pregnant. FML
Today, I dragged my son along with me to a work party because I didn't want him home by himself. Halfway through, he stood up and made an announcement about my pregnancy. I had to explain to all my coworkers and my boss that I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. FML
Today, I went in to get a sub sandwich. I asked the guy behind the counter if he could please put extra pickles on it. He looked at my stomach, and then put a huge handful of them on. I'm not pregnant, just fat. FML
Today, I am 20 weeks pregnant. My fiancé has decided my new nickname will be "Oink Oink". FML
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. This brings me bad news and good news. The bad news, I'm a vegetarian. The good news, I finally know why I've been craving Big Macs for the last two weeks. FML
Today, my boyfriend is so ashamed of me that when someone asked how far along my pregnancy is, he quickly replied "5 months now!" instead of telling them I'm not actually pregnant. FML
Today, I'm a little over a month pregnant. My fiancé has decided that if we both act like I'm not pregnant, "the baby will get the hint and go away". FML
Today, I'm 8 months pregnant and still waitressing at a local restaurant. There were only 3 of us serving today and things were hectic. One guy bitched me out, saying "Maybe if you lost some weight you'd walk a little faster!" because I wasn't fast enough with his soup. FML
Today, I attended my husband's holiday brunch at a company I also used to work for. I was excited to see former coworkers until one raced up, grabbed my belly, and in front of a crowded room, exclaimed, "You're pregnant!" Nope, just older and a bit fatter. FML
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Top comments
TheRealBrianGrif 7
Then will the baby be a slider?
jackassiddy 8
Next time you see him in his underwear ask him if he is really cold or is he just smuggling tic-tacs.. Nickname him pea shooter..
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Comments (165)
KJCollard 0
Ass
DKParth13 5
Wobbledy wobble wob wobble wobble!!
uniongirl02 0
I'm stackin paper, my wallet look like a bible. XD
jackassiddy 8
Next time you see him in his underwear ask him if he is really cold or is he just smuggling tic-tacs.. Nickname him pea shooter..
DocBastard 40
So I assume at 9 months you'll be smuggling the whole cow?
THE_A_TEEN 28
A hormone laced american cow, probably...
Justin23L 2
Why would she smuggle the average american?
jackassiddy 8
But.. wait.. my girlfriend eats... SHIT! *goes to buy pregnancy test*
ayooBrandon 12
Hahaha creative.
WCARlover 35
Congrats on the baby?:) haha
PessAsh 0
Learn how to take a joke
cristig 0
as a fellow newly pregnant woman, if my husband told me that I'd smash a hamburger in his face!! :o jk
cmars3 7
That would be wasting a hamburger
mama8809 0
That's so ****** up
coltsrock37 15
Soon you'll be smuggling octopus, and be referred to as...well, you know.
sinking_fish 12
27- Referred to as what? Octoganopus?
murdersquirrel 15
If your mean octomom, I'm disappointed.
cosmosis 12
DR OCTAGONAPUS, BWAAARRRRR... That cartoon is retarded, 38!!!
M0rt 0
Octopussy? James bond reference