Today, my husband asked me if I was really pregnant or if I was just smuggling cheeseburgers. I'm now referred to as "the hamburgler." I'm only 5 months pregnant. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I am six months pregnant and have been lactating. When I noticed this and pointed it out to my husband, I jokingly stated that I felt like a cow. He then replied. "Oh, you're not a cow. At most you're just a fat pig." He still has no clue why I'm upset. FML
Today, my husband wants me to apologize for getting angry when his father told me I'm getting so fat that I look like a whale. I'm not fat, I'm just 8 months pregnant. FML
Today, I dragged my son along with me to a work party because I didn't want him home by himself. Halfway through, he stood up and made an announcement about my pregnancy. I had to explain to all my coworkers and my boss that I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. FML
Today, I went in to get a sub sandwich. I asked the guy behind the counter if he could please put extra pickles on it. He looked at my stomach, and then put a huge handful of them on. I'm not pregnant, just fat. FML
Today, I am 20 weeks pregnant. My fiancé has decided my new nickname will be "Oink Oink". FML
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. This brings me bad news and good news. The bad news, I'm a vegetarian. The good news, I finally know why I've been craving Big Macs for the last two weeks. FML
Today, my boyfriend is so ashamed of me that when someone asked how far along my pregnancy is, he quickly replied "5 months now!" instead of telling them I'm not actually pregnant. FML
Today, I'm a little over a month pregnant. My fiancé has decided that if we both act like I'm not pregnant, "the baby will get the hint and go away". FML
Today, I'm 8 months pregnant and still waitressing at a local restaurant. There were only 3 of us serving today and things were hectic. One guy bitched me out, saying "Maybe if you lost some weight you'd walk a little faster!" because I wasn't fast enough with his soup. FML
Today, I attended my husband's holiday brunch at a company I also used to work for. I was excited to see former coworkers until one raced up, grabbed my belly, and in front of a crowded room, exclaimed, "You're pregnant!" Nope, just older and a bit fatter. FML
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Top comments
TheRealBrianGrif 7
Then will the baby be a slider?
jackassiddy 8
Next time you see him in his underwear ask him if he is really cold or is he just smuggling tic-tacs.. Nickname him pea shooter..
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Comments (165)
xSorry_fml 10
Humor makes things easier to deal with. I'm sure you have been much worse to him in the past five months then he has been to you. Not FML or YDI.
Tmoney20 3
Hahahha the question is can u make it through the maze and to the hamburgers???? Lol
o4berk 0
Are you sure there's only 1 bun in the oven??
MrIncredibleSME 3
Your husband is pathetic. It's F Our Lives now, since you're allowing him to reproduce and pass his stupidity onto future generations. Good job.
mfbeezy11 0
I'm 9 months preggers, and when you get to this point of misery, you'll want to shoot him for that. Lol
sklorange 5
Wouldn't it be the Cheeseburgler then?
copy127 0
That was a line in a movie good try tho
AshleighNason 24
hes an ass
tmaq973 7
An I the only one who thought of that sponge bob episode?
ikickgingers 15
Someone's feeling a bit cocky. Hahahaha bad puns!!!!