Today, my husband asked me if I was really pregnant or if I was just smuggling cheeseburgers. I'm now referred to as "the hamburgler." I'm only 5 months pregnant. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I am six months pregnant and have been lactating. When I noticed this and pointed it out to my husband, I jokingly stated that I felt like a cow. He then replied. "Oh, you're not a cow. At most you're just a fat pig." He still has no clue why I'm upset. FML
Today, my husband wants me to apologize for getting angry when his father told me I'm getting so fat that I look like a whale. I'm not fat, I'm just 8 months pregnant. FML
Today, I dragged my son along with me to a work party because I didn't want him home by himself. Halfway through, he stood up and made an announcement about my pregnancy. I had to explain to all my coworkers and my boss that I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. FML
Today, I went in to get a sub sandwich. I asked the guy behind the counter if he could please put extra pickles on it. He looked at my stomach, and then put a huge handful of them on. I'm not pregnant, just fat. FML
Today, I am 20 weeks pregnant. My fiancé has decided my new nickname will be "Oink Oink". FML
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. This brings me bad news and good news. The bad news, I'm a vegetarian. The good news, I finally know why I've been craving Big Macs for the last two weeks. FML
Today, my boyfriend is so ashamed of me that when someone asked how far along my pregnancy is, he quickly replied "5 months now!" instead of telling them I'm not actually pregnant. FML
Today, I'm a little over a month pregnant. My fiancé has decided that if we both act like I'm not pregnant, "the baby will get the hint and go away". FML
Today, I'm 8 months pregnant and still waitressing at a local restaurant. There were only 3 of us serving today and things were hectic. One guy bitched me out, saying "Maybe if you lost some weight you'd walk a little faster!" because I wasn't fast enough with his soup. FML
Today, I attended my husband's holiday brunch at a company I also used to work for. I was excited to see former coworkers until one raced up, grabbed my belly, and in front of a crowded room, exclaimed, "You're pregnant!" Nope, just older and a bit fatter. FML
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Top comments
TheRealBrianGrif 7
Then will the baby be a slider?
jackassiddy 8
Next time you see him in his underwear ask him if he is really cold or is he just smuggling tic-tacs.. Nickname him pea shooter..
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Comments (165)
hahalolfyl 0
First
frokeyman92 9
Tell him it was with another man. That will get his attention..
OMGIFOUNDWALDO 6
And where does it say she needs his attention?...
frokeyman92 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Where it implies her husband is unaware that she is pregnant.
TheWindowLicker 13
Yes, lie and make him think OP cheated on him. That's clearly the best thing to do here. -.-
frokeyman92 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Yeah your right she would probably never tell him she was joking.
TheWindowLicker 13
You should stop commenting while you're only slightly behind. The point is, joking or not, that's not funny and it's not in any way smart to joke about that. Smh.
frokeyman92 9
Lol omg your so sensitive. If everyone was a sensitive as you are we would be ******* boring ass ppl. Comment back when you aren't on your period.
TheWindowLicker 13
Cute, but here's the thing. One, I'm a man, so I can't be on my period. And two, use the right form of your(you're)...it's not hard. And it's not me being sensitive it's you being an immature idiot. Have a nice day.
808Boyo 4
^ Cat fight going on ^
teague95 16
not a cat-fight just TheWindowLicker repeatedly owning the other dude
mzriia 0
71. He did use the right your.
mzriia 0
Oops. Sorry didn't see the first one there.
darkmis1 18
"Your so ******* sensitive." No he didn't. The correct form is "you're."
mzriia 0
Are you blind? I corrected myself....
danny1023 0
Everybodys fighting so to cheer you guys up here's a joke: Women's rights .
frokeyman92 9
Lol
808Boyo 4
139 - Hahaha I know it's bad, but I laughed really hard at your comment. Yes!
cinderella10383 6
They are missing their helmets though!! NOT SAFE
TheRealBrianGrif 7
Then will the baby be a slider?
That0therguy 4
Or a side order?
kidwiththeface42 7
You can nickname him Grimace, because your husband sounds like a big, fat retard. Hope he isn't purple, though...
Alexisthebestest 16
What's wrong with being purple?
Jovecove 13
I'm guessing Barney the purple dinosaur who happens to love kids..
kbtoyz69 9
and so thus was born... Cheeseburger Eddy bum bum buuuummm
Alexisthebestest 16
I guess that makes me a nerd too, because I knew he was the purple one too haha. I remember they used to sell the videos at mcdonalds when I was little and my mom would buy them :3
zuzupetalsYO 11
Mcdonalds is nasty and we renamed it "the poop palace". *shiver
chili_is_good 0
Five guys must of given her the baby but which one...
racheljessie 17
#72, I don't know about being purple, but I do know it's not easy being green! Haha!
TherealMort 0
Oh Brian! I finally got muriel pregnant!
bubble25_fml 5
125, umm, Muriel is dead...
SuperKnuckels 6
He knows xP
brun12 1
Aww how mean! I just had my second baby 2 months ago and my husband just told me no more fast food...guess I'm not loosing the baby weight fast enough
instnt1nfction 17
Then no fast food for him either. You go on a diet, everyone goes on a diet
instnt1nfction 17
Then no fast food for him either. You go on a diet, everyone goes on a diet
dyble95 0
Wouldn't you not want to be eating fast food well your pregnant anyways? As I understand it what you eat is what the baby gets it's nutrients from.
Muslimgal92 0
Ey #4 you're stupid according to your fellow fmler #3 ;D
TheDrifter 24
When a pregnant woman says she's eating for two, don't you dare point out that the second person only makes up about 4kilos of the 25 she has put on. If you value your life that is.
ozozoz 0
62, The baby isn't the only thing we grow in our body. There is amniotic fluid (hope got the term right), placenta that weighs about 1kg, umbilical cord, there is also water retention (we just swell especially at later stage of pregnancy), just to name few.
Alexisthebestest 16
My best friend is due to have her baby in 2 weeks. She's so little but her stomach is huge! The whole pregnancy thing just baffles the hell out of me haha.
xcowboys 0
Number 19 is correct for the most part, any pregnant woman shouldnt be eating that disgusting shit they pass off as food.
brun12 1
Ok #19 and #127 you get pregnant and let's see how you do when those cravings kick in. Mind over matter only works for so long
brun12 1
#12 I agree! He'll probably last a week, maybe
dyble95 0
130 I know what it's like to deal with really bad cravings but If they effect other people negatively then I tuff it out. Especially if it was my kid it was effecting negatively.
brun12 1
148 according to your profile you're a 16 year old boy, so you don't get it. And eating fast food while pregnant isn't bad for your baby
Michael_92 20
Well what you rather your kid got his food from....a nasty hamburger from a fast food place our like a salad? Taco from Taco Bell or chicken made at the house. Not only is that fast food bad for your baby its bad for you too.
cinderella10383 6
#19 the baby takes all nutrients from anything you eat so eating fast food is fine in moderation. Not everyone can eat fruits and veggies while pregnant what the baby wants the baby gets even at 2 am remember that
crackz12 10
150- thats retarded, of course its bad for your baby when you eat fast food. Yea itll try and take nutrients out of it but that doesnt mean shit our bodies do the same thing for us and no intelligent human being would argue fast food is anything but poison for your body. And it doesnt matter if that kids 16 for all you know he was a heroine addict at 12 and had do deal with a craving alot worse than a pregnant lady wanting shitty food for her baby. She should be eating healthy hands down and her man should be doing the same in support.
mrssuarez2011 12
Thank you,someone said it. For those of you saying to not eat fast food while pregnant, obviously you've never been pregnant with intense cravings. As for those of you saying the baby only makes up for 4 out if the 25 lbs she's put on, try being pregnant, you gain weight no matter what, and a lot of it is water weight, I'm not saying you have to become obese or anything close but weight gain WILL happen do either shut up or trade places.
Susieee_Q 9
Hahaha. I'm sure it was just a joke. Kind of insensitive, I suppose, but I can see that happening to anyone with her husband/boyfriend. I can see my own boyfriend saying such a thing. Not too much of an FML moment if you ask me, but I guess we all take things a different way....
THE_A_TEEN 28
The husband is basically calling the op fat. That would practically be insulting to pregnant women. Trust me, I've seen some assholes callimg my mom a "fat cow" while she was pregant with my brother...
Susieee_Q 9
Okay, there's a big difference between some asshole calling a pregnant woman a "fat-cow" and your spouse coming up with a stupid name while you're pregnant like "hamburglar." I wasn't trying to belittle the issue, and I'm sorry so many people seem to disagree with me. I acknowledged that she might have responded to it differently than someone else would. To me, I guess it all depends on how he said it. The way I imagined this scenario was her husband coming up to her, maybe while she was sitting down, kissing her cheek then rubbing her growing tummy and saying something along the lines of "Are you sure you're not just smuggling hamburgers, my little hamburglar?" Is it still something stupid to say to a pregnant woman? Yes, most likely. But is it possible he didn't have the intention to hurt her? I would say so. Maybe you're right, though. Maybe he was actually mean about it, and I'm wrong for assuming that that's how it really happened. It's just how it played out in my head at first. I apologize for my assuming, though. FML's can be very vague and we all interpret them differently....
Susieee_Q 9
Okay, there's a big difference between some asshole calling a pregnant woman a "fat-cow" and your spouse coming up with a stupid name while you're pregnant like "hamburglar." I wasn't trying to belittle the issue, and I'm sorry so many people seem to disagree with me. I acknowledged that she might have responded to it differently than someone else would. To me, I guess it all depends on how he said it. The way I imagined this scenario was her husband coming up to her, maybe while she was sitting down, kissing her cheek then rubbing her growing tummy and saying something along the lines of "Are you sure you're not just smuggling hamburgers, my little hamburglar?" Is it still something stupid to say to a pregnant woman? Yes, most likely. But is it possible he didn't have the intention to hurt her? I would say so. Maybe you're right, though. Maybe he was actually mean about it, and I'm wrong for assuming that that's how it really happened. It's just how it played out in my head at first. I apologize for my assuming, though. FML's can be very vague and we all interpret them differently....
LegalyWhite 7
Well you explained yourself pretty well :)
dcmoorcroft 10
He's probably new to this whole pregnancy thing and it's quite scared! I would be! He doesn't know how to react so he makes a little insensitive jokes.
mdtdnb 7
Imagine what he'll be saying when your at 9 months!
bachooka 5
^^ God just killed a kitten.
leadman1989 16
See it works
flockz 20
God just killed an ostrich. i just ****** up your whole world didn't i?
xcowboys 0
Except ostriches are mean, agressive birds that are about as smart as a pile of rocks. The world wouldnt be missing that ostrich, or any ostrich.Ever.
xcowboys 0
I did, feels wonderful.
tsim_fml 0
the hamburglaree?
cosmosis 12
No. Just NO!
ninjacutie 6
I liked it… I thought it was funny… then again, now that I'm reading it a second time I felt my IQ drop >.
tsim_fml 0
damn preggers
sarapsosis 1
good name for your child!
nc21690 19
when i was 5 months pregnant i was just about getting my appitiete back and ate everything in sight gotta make up for the 3 or 4 months or so of morning sickness =)
macdaddymady 8
You don't even look old enough to get pregnant..
meganfoxsbitch 0
I'm sure you more than made up for it!!
nc21690 19
im in my 20s........
yuggi1 11
Funny thing about eyebrows is that sometimes they don't match. I got a straight one from my dad and a curved one from my mom. I feel beautiful, still! ^___^
heylesha 8
what an ass!