Today, my grandmother said she's noticed that I've been very angry lately. She came to the conclusion that I "haven't been laid enough" and my boyfriend is "not doing his job." Thanks Grandma. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my grandmother told me that if I didn’t get my act together, especially regarding a job, my relationship with my girlfriend would fizzle out. This is after I've already applied for 3 jobs. I told her respectfully that our relationship isn’t her business, and she threatened to kick me out of the house. FML
Today, my 65-year-old grandmother called and asked me to tell my boyfriend that she was flattered, but she's happily married. I have no idea what she was talking about and my boyfriend refuses to talk to me. FML
Today, my grandma got a new boyfriend. She dumped the old one because "His wife was taking too long to die." FML
Today, my grandma wasn't feeling well, so I went to her house to check on her. After about 20 minutes, I knew she was feeling better when she looked at me and said, "So, do you have a boyfriend yet? I pray every night that I get to live long enough to see you with a boyfriend." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like his grandma's house. FML
Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML
Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML
Today, I found out my grandmother passed away. When I told my boyfriend I began to cry. Instead of caring, he said "you're getting my bed wet," rolled over, and fell asleep. FML
Today, I check my phone regularly for calls or texts from her. I take her out to eat frequently, and we sleep in the same bed sometimes. Today I realized the closest thing I have to a boyfriend is my grandma. FML
Today, my grandma called me to tell me that a couple of cute boys stopped by her house to borrow something. She told them all about me, and that I would be interested in them. My love life is so pathetic, even my grandmother is trying to hook me up. FML
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Top comments
Damn_Hippster 11
Well, is she right?
outstandtacular 11
Grandma's just worried about her grandbaby!
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Comments (115)
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
I like your grandma. She seems chill. C: At least she notices changes in your personality.
sleepywaterpony 5
I love your grandmother. ^_^ She sounds like a sweetheart.
thehouseaddict 3
Smart grandma.
DarkHelmet 10
1) Your Grandma is AWESOME & 2) She does have like 50+ more years experience than you in these matters
yoyoyolol08 5
Shes probably right, you should bang more
jordantiner 0
Grandma's know best!
OttersIsAwesome 8
You're never too old to be funny.
fthislyfe 22
You have a very cool and WISE grandma.
perdix 31
It would be sad if you two are ******* incessantly, but he's so bad at it, you never lose your bad mood. Ask Gran for one of her old-timey sex toys. They had one based on the hand-cranked egg-beater that helped a lot of ladies smile their way through the Great Depression ;)
JustKittyKat 24
Dude, I love your comments
KitGrey 4
Grandma's right, no point in having a boyfriend if he's not sexing you cheerful. Isn't that the whole reason we let teenagers date, to counterbalence their angry hormones?