Today, my grandmother opened the bathroom door to find me eating a spoonful of Nutella while on the toilet. She is convinced that I was eating my own shit and will not stop telling everybody. They believe her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out my grandma has been slipping laxatives into my food. Apparently, I was constipated once as a child and "once constipated, always constipated." FML
Today, my granny has been constipated for the past two days. She is too weak to get out of bed, so I ended up trying to dig the poop out of her butthole with a spoon. Yay me. FML
Today, I was stuck in the car with my grandma for an hour as she described to me how she had looked through my great grandma's poop to make sure her calcium pills were being digested. FML
Today, I discovered that the only thing more disgusting than watching a little kid shove their finger up their nose and eat their fresh green mucus is watching your grandmother do the same. FML
Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML
Today, my grandma saw me putting some mints in my mouth when she walked by my room. Instead of confronting me, she told my dad I was doing drugs. FML
Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML
Today, my mother accused me of "cooking cocaine", after she found a slightly discoloured spoon in my room. FML
Today, my grandmother helped out by cooking a dish for me. It was so sweet of her, until I ended up having diarrhoea because of it. Now I'm worried to breastfeed my newborn with her food in my system. FML
Today, my grandmother is shocked that literally all of her kids and grandkids have mental handicaps. She won't admit it's because her and my grandfather are first cousins, and is claiming instead it's, "because of gluten." FML
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Top comments
sarcasticzilla 9
And why exactly were you eating Nutella on the toilet?
juliaannw 11
Wipe a handful of nutella right on her face.
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Comments (77)
dirtydiana57 3
Eating while on the toilet is a pretty disgusting thing to do. You deserve it.
RedPillSucks 33
Just show her your shit eating grin.
RabbitOfAurora 28
OP never said they were taking a shit. In all honesty, I've done this and things similar to this. I usually go past my kitchen to get to the bathroom and sometimes I'll pick up some chocolate or something and be half way through eating it. The human body was made to fight off germs, that's why OP and I are still alive and fine, despite that we snack on the loo.
skyeyez9 25
Every time you see her, eat a spoonful of nutella in front of her.
skyeyez9 25
I have heard of people drinking a cold beer while in the shower. But not eating while pooping.
heliophobia 13
Seriously, can you blame your grandmother? Don't eat on the toilet, so unsanitary. Doesn't help that it looks like you're eating shit.
DustyStorm 16
Many of you will say YDI, or how gross this act is based upon fecal particals in the air....however how many of you read FML/text in the bathroom on your phone, don't disinfect your phone and then eat while reading FML or text? Hmmmm....
Rossendale 3
So very true. I see a lot of people behaving like they got OCD on the internet, but I can bet that half of them do exactly the same. And also, all of you say that the grandma is not to blame. I don't want to be offensive to OP, but I never met a person who mistook a light brown bread spreading (which actually looks ENTIRELY different - Nutella is very creamy, like butter, whilst poo is... poo) in a container clearly labelled Nutella with feces. And just a concluding point - all of you say that eating in a bathroom is so unsanitary, because of all the diseases, which is the attitude of a 5-year-old. Unless OP was eating his snack with his hands stuffed halfway down the toilet, which I very much doubt, the chance of catching a disease in a bathroom is exactly the same as in any other room.
Imaginationn 6
I find it kind of odd why you were eating while on the toilet but then again people do lots of weird things while on the toilet. Anyways this made me laugh, good luck in convincing everyone!
worldclassrager 41
Do you really need to hide your Nutella addiction? Eat it in the open...
JonDG 12
as long as you know you werent eating your own turds you shouldnt worry. let them enjoy themselves