Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML
Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML
Today, my girlfriend was over at my house for the first time. I told her I had to go take a shower, and from the other room my grandmother yells "you're not going to jack off this time are you?" FML
Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML
Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML
Today, I was getting frisky with my fiancée when she started talking about her dead great-grandma. FML
Today, my 70 year old grandma was yelling at me to take a pregnancy test, in the middle of Walmart. I'm 16, still a virgin and haven't had a boyfriend since I was 13. FML
Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML
Today, I walked over to my grandmother's house to pay her a visit. I politely knocked on the door, and there was no answer. Fearing that something had happened, I violently broke down the door to find my grandma and her new 80 year-old boyfriend having sex. FML
Today, my grandma wasn't feeling well, so I went to her house to check on her. After about 20 minutes, I knew she was feeling better when she looked at me and said, "So, do you have a boyfriend yet? I pray every night that I get to live long enough to see you with a boyfriend." FML
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Top comments
SomethingWitty 0
"...then Grandma asked to join. FML"
LyuboLove 0
i still wonder why people don't take more precautions when there's a possibility of someone being around who could potentially walk in on you... you definitely 100% deserved that one
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Comments (156)
cyxx 0
Inner morality? I guess our inner voice that tells us what's important and what's not, what's wrong and what's right, etc. I realize that society has changed an incredible amount in history, but the importance of sex as an act of love has remained pretty constant. You're more likely to get STDs from casual sex partners because you don't ask them about STDs or they lie to you about it. Most forms of birth control don't do anything about STDs. Many condoms don't either - only latex ones work, and not for all STDs. So the more you have casual sex, the more likely it is to develop an STD - nothing to do with stupidity other than the stupidity of casual sex in the first place. How am I demonstrating why I'm not objective? I looked at the issue, I took a position. Seems like you're doing the same thing.
N0Luck 0
Why you gotta describe what position your in? just say you were having sex. You gave me a mental image in my head and now I have a raging boner at work. THANKS A BUNCH! FML
emsss_fml 0
i'd laugh if your grandma posted on her " Today, i waisted my time giving my grand daughter the abstinence speech. I walk in her room to tell her how proud I am of her keeping her abstinence to find her doing it doggy-style with some guy. FML." i feel bad for your grandma for having to see that. haven't you heard of locking the doors when your doing it? just wow.
Colors_fml 0
I giggled.
Emily_T 0
hahaha thats awesome
furi7 0
Cyxx, you're right on dude. Everyone else, take an opinion for what it is. I agree with Cyxx because it is something that deserves to be cherished. I also agree with posters AGAINST Cyxx, as it is true that in the modern world sex has lost its meaning to a point where it has become a pasttime. Sex is what you make of it. If you wanna go and hook up every day and if that's what makes you happy then go right ahead. None of us will judge you. If you feel that abstinence is the way to go, then more power to you. Things like marriage originally existed for the purpose of permanently uniting a man and a woman. Then someone decided to approve divorce. In the modern world nothing is the way it was meant to be. People get married drunk at Vegas and then split up in a week. Others wait until they're 50 to get married. Things like marriage, sex and abstinence no longer hold the same ideals that they once did. Yes, I am "sitting on the fence" for this one, but this is how it is and you can't deny that. Various opinions exist, and there is no reason that anyone should be ragging on anyone else for being abstinent or for someone being a total sperm dumpster (excuse the rude term), if you will. Society has grown to accept it all, there are gay marriages, 3 ways going wrong, people having 10+ kids, 60 year old virgins and anything in between. Everyone is right because in this day and age there isn't a wrong answer. Go do whatever makes you happy, just as long as it's not judging someone at the expense of their ideas, morals and beliefs. Poster..... YDI
MaCherie_fml 0
Gotta agree with #125 100% on this shit.
madalou2012 0
shut the hell up with the holier than thou shit. it's funny. get over it D:< she didn't put it up here for you guys to have a moral arguement. and #125 I believe the term is CUMDUMPSTER D:
lala03_fml 0
A little self control until grandma left town would have prevented this. And how'd you know she wasn't just saying "bye"? Even after she walked in, did she still proceed to tell you how proud she was of you waiting until marriage?
betterthanthou 0
lol at #127. I know when I act holier-than-thou, it is because I am. I am better than you. You will have to learn to deal with it. The reason you get mad when people like me act like we are better than you is because you realize we are right and you are wrong. It must suck to know that you are living a life of gross perversions. Eww.