Today, my girlfriend was over at my house for the first time. I told her I had to go take a shower, and from the other room my grandmother yells "you're not going to jack off this time are you?" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to sneak into the shower at her house while her parents went out to eat and a movie. Half way through our shower we heard a knocking at the door, it was her mom. We had left all of our clothes downstairs. Safe to say I won't be allowed there any more. FML
Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I enjoyed a lovely shower together. It was indeed lovely until her father came into the washroom to say “Welcome to the family!” whilst taking a giant shit. FML
Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML
Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce her to my parents. As we arrived, my grandpa was leaving the bathroom. He looked over at my girlfriend with a worried expression and said, "Never take a shit in this place. Feels like I wiped my arsehole with sandpaper." FML
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Top comments
Thale_fml 8
... why would you take a shower when your girlfriend had finally come to your house to visit, anyway?
Parazad 16
At least your grandmother has a sense of humor.
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Comments (135)
smump 0
OMG!!! sucks so bad
jacob4848 4
Jack off right in her eye.
ironhead_fml 20
yep! grandma knows he spanks his monkey!
juicedboi 7
And you replied with "that's what my girlfriends here for grandma!". Then proceed to invite said girlfriend into shower. After this has been completed you will have gained respect from me. Cause I know that's just what you are looking for.
woahbro2slow 0
well? did he jack off??
enonymous 9
The wash cloth and soap have seen better days.
enonymous 9
Well it's not going to jerk itself and his wash cloth has seen better days.
zendaddy0 0
I can remember an fml where a guys grandma caught him jacking and everyone told him to do it in the shower this is the result
Madiluvsyuh98 2
47- lmao!!!!
Jammy01jams 2
GF = she can humor you. Have you never talked about that stuff? I talk about it with girl before we een go on a date. it's nice when a girl knows what your like before all that junk cuz they find out sooner or later. lol
dolphincheddar 10
I think someone needs to be more discreet with their meat pounding
HappyCynic 0
Oh grandma, you're so silly.
freshV43 0
**** in your grandmas shampoo bottle
dolphincheddar 10
107 why in the blazing confines of carrot tops Afro would he consider such a moronic act?
gogreen8856 0
oh snap!!
JoeTheMan12 0
tell grandma to STFU and tell your girlfriend that your grandma was just kidding... there problem solved!
potter123 0
Umm... shut up.
lexi_8588 0
omg hahahahahha thats freaking hilarious! i love how you mind works my friend!
IphonFML 6
am I the only one who thought of big bang theory? lol
MrPhucked 0
really? i thought of american pie
tobabo101 0
hahaha fyl !
alpaquette91 9
well why was he taking a shower while his gf was over that's a bit rude unless she was joining ...
Parazad 16
At least your grandmother has a sense of humor.
StopDropNRoll 11
I don't think she was trying to be funny
manny2 0
gotta love grandmas
hapetreefriend 1
or do you?
liggity 1
for sure you do they are so sweet and not afraid to speak their minds when comedy presents itself
strainer04 8
embarrassing your grandma said that but even more embarrassing that she knows you jack off in the shower!!
sakforduc 0
which guy doesn't jack off in the shower? lol
victimization 0
66 your picture is like almost borderline rapist...lol.
tyty22796 0
true
Legendslayer222 26
I don't even shower.
Nyolia 11
Your picture goes with this comment. xD
strainer04 8
don't most guys jackoff in the shower?? is that the #1 preferred spot??
superhoss56 6
yes, yes it is, it's quite relaxing actually, and private, and the water makes it easier and feel better :)
Thale_fml 8
... why would you take a shower when your girlfriend had finally come to your house to visit, anyway?
Bekll 31
Maybe so he's clean if/when they have sex?
Ugi 27
He's not too likely to get anywhere with his GF if he stinks, is he? You might ask why he didn't shower before, but maybe they both came back from somewhere together - we don't know but it seems safe to assume that he took a shower because he needed one.
wolflover44 5
My ex always used to get a shower when I was over. Eventually I joined him. I'd say this guy is working his way up that ladder. ;)
xk75 4
I agree, conscientious host FAIL! and if he thinks it will help him get some action, well, with super intuitive spy grandma in the house, I would advise the op to exercise better judgment and not try to put his girlfriend in a potentially VERY embarrassing position - grandma sees and hears ALL and has NO qualms about talking about it!
jonn090 13
this is the cue so that next op make hash brownies and gives grandma some this solves everything :D
kazter_boy 3
why didn't he take a shower before she came over?
hedgerow 0
How did he deserve this?
Jacobt24 19
because he touches himself at night . . . literally
swasticop 0
OP deserves it for leaving evidence behind. The evidence was so clear his grandmother could see it.
Booch1117 4
how does it not go down the drain? he's in the shower. right?
tinypurplegiant 0
your gf probably didn't mind it at all :D one day she will join!
kitkatsuckit567 0
win!
True_Legend 0
sheeh how did she know? lol
cptmorgan6 8
I'm guessing it's all the moaning, groaning, an fap fap fapping.
05559 1
Finally, a real FML.
evillittleme 5
but this one is more like "Fap My Life"!
elisolauren 0
@28 HAHAHAHAHA so true...