Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML
Today, my girlfriend shoved a Q-tip up my ass while I was brushing my teeth. FML
Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML
Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I refused to share a toothbrush with her. FML
Today, I walked into the bathroom and found my sister cleaning her vibrator. With my toothbrush. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got to the stage in our relationship where she thinks its okay to change her tampon whilst I brush my teeth. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, my extremely religious mom ranted at me, saying I'd only bought an electric toothbrush so I could masturbate with it. I'm a guy. FML
Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML
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Top comments
arano 29
I'm really not sure how she could mistake brushing teeth with masturbating... Maybe if you were a girl I could understand, but otherwise I'm just confused by the whole thing. On another note, are you not allowed to **********? That's a weird situation in itself.
Welshite 40
Maybe you should stop using that electric toothbrush and moaning loudly in pleasure. I know brushing teeth is nearly orgasmic, but come on.
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Comments (69)
Makifun 19
You must *really* love having clean teeth
ConfusedCat 11
This comment made my day.
wordygirl 11
#1 comment=winner!!! ding ding ding!!!
Welshite 40
Maybe you should stop using that electric toothbrush and moaning loudly in pleasure. I know brushing teeth is nearly orgasmic, but come on.
trucker2 33
You must moan loudly ... Minty fresh
arano 29
I'm really not sure how she could mistake brushing teeth with masturbating... Maybe if you were a girl I could understand, but otherwise I'm just confused by the whole thing. On another note, are you not allowed to **********? That's a weird situation in itself.
greysonlanefay 2
It doesn't say OP's gender, lesbians?
Tripartita 45
Are you suggesting "PerfectBoyfriend" is a girl, #7?
TXlove 6
I don't care if my boyfriend masturbates unless I'm horny and he didn't try for sex first. Cause if he just masturbated he doesn't wanna have sec and hello if I'm right here and you turn me down for a hand... Yeah I'd be pissed
syki 22
@10 To play devil's advocate, PerfectBoyfriend could be referring to a potential vibrator… but seeing as how the male symbol is right there next to this FML, I'm gonna go with nah.
LyricaSilvan 30
It's okay. I'm female and I don't get it either.
JackFaire 27
My ex-wife used to have an issue with my masturbating. "Just come to me if you're horny" so I did "I am not in the mood" and I am fine with her not being in the mood but that's why I **********!
trucker2 33
Twist- it could be HER special toothbrush.. And he was savoring the flavor..
anlong93 9
ew.
LadyIrene 21
Maybe it's time to stop deep throating the toothbrush..
aesthetic umbrella 18
A few questions here- 1) Why the **** would she have the right to pissed unless she told you she had to use it or you two had to get going somewhere? 2) Also, how do you confuse the two in the first place? How the hell does an electric (or normal) toothbrush make a moaning or gasping sound while being brushed against your teeth?
Tripartita 45
I normally have some visual materials while brushing my teeth. I like to look at pictures of nice, clean smiles while moving the brush back and forth. I'm sure my teeth would be devastated if they found out, but it makes the experience so much better once I reach that two minute mark.
Eleora 19
Best comment that I've read in a while. Lol
burgermike92 17
#9 As always your comments never disappoint.
Halfass 8
"Oh yeah, oh yeah baby, do you like that? I'm going to pound you so hard you dirty cavities!"
rgetting 24
My father told me there was a study conducted about sexual practices that learned two facts. 98% of men admit to masturbating. The others fact was 4% of men are Liars.
RHChiliPeppers 17
102%?
False_Stupidity 42
Also that 97.83% of statistics read on the Internet are made up.
freddygasman 18
There are 3 types of people in this world. Those that can count and those that can't. Where does 14 fall in this equation?