Today, my girlfriend's guinea pig managed to go down her shirt. I have been dating her for 3 weeks and I haven't even kissed her yet. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML
Today, I found out that the squeaking I've heard for the past three months, that I thought was my guinea pig, is actually my girlfriend cheating on me with my older brother. FML
Today, I agreed to buy my girlfriend a piggle for Christmas. The pig is miniature. The noise it makes is not. Oh, and I just found out it's not living with her, but with me. FML
Today, while watching my guinea pigs have sex, I got jealous. Yeah. It's been that long. FML
Today, my mum asked me how the guinea pig was doing. We don't have a guinea pig. Turns out she had volunteered me to look after the next door neighbor's guinea pig when they were away and 'forgot' to tell me. They have been gone two weeks. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time only to realise she squeals like a baby pig in the process. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend for the first time in weeks. She had a hickey. FML
Today, my daughter's guinea pig got stuck behind the wardrobe, squeaking its head off. I tried pulling the wardrobe towards me to free him, but couldn't take the weight of it all, so it fell over, smashing the TV. The guinea pig is fine. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
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Top comments
l33tm0nk3y 0
All you people making fun of the OP for not kissing this girl despite having dated for 3 weeks...you're really the most immature ones here. If you think the physical stuff is what matters in a relationship, I'd love to see how your marriages work out. You want to know why so many marriages fail these days? Because so many people try to build them on a foundation of superficial infatuation and physical "intimacy," rather than a deeper emotional and psychological connection. Seriously, quit acting like hormone-flooded 15-year-olds and grow up. That being said...how exactly is this an FML? Okay, so the guinea pig went down her shirt...so what? Animals do stuff like that. I fail to see how this is a bad thing for you, nor how exactly it relates to the fact of dating for 3 weeks without kissing.
ChaosChild 0
Really? Are you jealous of a creature with a 3-5 year life span that eats its young? Really dude if you want to kiss her then kiss her, start with her cheek if you're that nervous.
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Comments (100)
so_effed_up 0
Yeah, that kinda suck, #47. I'm sorry. Don't worry, I'm a coward too. Maybe not as far as the psychiatrist thing, but it's pretty bad. I have competition with my girlfriend's dog -_-
genius_man16 1
what, so the girl can't be the one who initiates the first kiss? Your friends pathetic social morals make me rage a little. And by "little" i mean a lot.
crazycelt72 0
...then shes not your girlfriend yet you dumbass
iFruit 0
At first I thought it said 3 years...
rositaborracha18 0
she probably dosn't have the balls for it or something
ihavebadluckx5 0
aw that's cute. don't listen to anyone saying bad things about you not kissing her yet. my first love waited over a month to kiss me.
dabeachbum 0
hahahah wow im 13 and i kissed my bf on the 2nd date :P but just keep trying maybe she has trust issues or shes nervous or something? just try kissing her and see what happens.. :-* kissy kissy
dvs01 0
Don't you know the rules? No dating until after sex
cerabear_416 0
this kid i know chris is dating my friend taylor. i doubt he's kissed her yet either. haha
fir3d3m0n1 0
lol don't ask why but i lol'ed at your typo "fiend that happened to be a girl"