Today, my girlfriend's guinea pig managed to go down her shirt. I have been dating her for 3 weeks and I haven't even kissed her yet. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML
Today, I found out that the squeaking I've heard for the past three months, that I thought was my guinea pig, is actually my girlfriend cheating on me with my older brother. FML
Today, I agreed to buy my girlfriend a piggle for Christmas. The pig is miniature. The noise it makes is not. Oh, and I just found out it's not living with her, but with me. FML
Today, while watching my guinea pigs have sex, I got jealous. Yeah. It's been that long. FML
Today, my mum asked me how the guinea pig was doing. We don't have a guinea pig. Turns out she had volunteered me to look after the next door neighbor's guinea pig when they were away and 'forgot' to tell me. They have been gone two weeks. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time only to realise she squeals like a baby pig in the process. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend for the first time in weeks. She had a hickey. FML
Today, my daughter's guinea pig got stuck behind the wardrobe, squeaking its head off. I tried pulling the wardrobe towards me to free him, but couldn't take the weight of it all, so it fell over, smashing the TV. The guinea pig is fine. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
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Top comments
l33tm0nk3y 0
All you people making fun of the OP for not kissing this girl despite having dated for 3 weeks...you're really the most immature ones here. If you think the physical stuff is what matters in a relationship, I'd love to see how your marriages work out. You want to know why so many marriages fail these days? Because so many people try to build them on a foundation of superficial infatuation and physical "intimacy," rather than a deeper emotional and psychological connection. Seriously, quit acting like hormone-flooded 15-year-olds and grow up. That being said...how exactly is this an FML? Okay, so the guinea pig went down her shirt...so what? Animals do stuff like that. I fail to see how this is a bad thing for you, nor how exactly it relates to the fact of dating for 3 weeks without kissing.
ChaosChild 0
Really? Are you jealous of a creature with a 3-5 year life span that eats its young? Really dude if you want to kiss her then kiss her, start with her cheek if you're that nervous.
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Comments (100)
Rantie 0
while all these are good suggestions im gonna have to go with #12
bearysadcactus 0
Age 13, my first girlfriend. I didn't kiss her until a week before my 14th birthday. We had been dating for 2 months. Worth it? Yes
babygirl69_fml 0
wtf? dude, you shoulda gotten something by now. unless you got a prude one. then your screwed. well... technically your NEVER screwed.
x_amadaeus_x 0
Wow, epic fail. Don't blame the guinea pig because your not man enough to step up to bat. 3 weeks? Christ, I would kissed the gal within 3 hours tops.
iShinee 0
I love how the little girls brag about being as easy as can be, and the guys brag about getting with their easy girls. You do realize that as crude as it is, it's the guys that get with the "prude" girls that are the ones with the bragging rights? Not the ones whose partner would screw anything with legs. XD Hate to break it to you kiddies, but status isn't determined by the amount of STD's you've obtained. Easy girls are worth pretty much nothing.
jdorp 0
42's right
krisFrAnHeehar 0
THANK YOU # 42. every girl in my school except my friends and me are mega-*****
deannababy 0
LOL @ NUMBER 2. Sounds like the guinea pig is gettin' more action than you!
supercripple 0
You think that's bad? In 8th grade I went out with a girl for 8 months and the only thing we ever did was hug and hold hands a couple times.
ChelseaGrin112 14
That sounds like a sweet relationship. Most teenage relationships Now a days are all about sex and disgusting things they shouldn't be doing that young.
Tomo_fml 0
at #46 i can beat that sadly im a coward and refuse to make the first move been to psychiatrists and they cant help me looks like im gonna be alone till im dead
owencgray 10
I kno how you feel. it really sucks..