Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, my girlfriend started insulting me on Facebook. Angry and hurt, I let it all out and insulted her back with her obesity. Turns out it was her brother who used her account to play a "prank" on me. FML
Today, while in the shower with my girlfriend she was going on and on about how she thinks she's fat when she's in perfect shape. With what she said still on my mind, I meant to say "honey, you're so beautiful", but accidentally said "honey, you're so fat". I'll be sleeping alone tonight. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend what she thought of a certain plus-sized vocalist, to which she replied, "She's gorgeous!" I said, "That's great because you remind me a lot of her." Now she's not talking to me. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 5 years dumped me because she got tired of me being thinner than her and, in her own words, making her look bad. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I've recently become serious about getting fit, and have lost nearly 84 pounds. Apparently, when I was fat, I made her look smaller in comparison. When I got slimmer, she insisted I either gain the weight back or she'd leave. So she did. FML
Today, while having dinner with my boyfriend's family, his mom told me that it looks like I've gained quite some weight. When my boyfriend told her that this was a rude thing to say, she said it wasn't rude, just the truth. FML
Today, I went out to lunch with my girlfriend. I asked if she was going to finish her meal, hoping to steal a bite or two. She somehow took this as me calling her fat, threw her drink at me, and stormed off. I just wanted some steak. FML
Today, my girlfriend threw a bitch fit about her clothes not fitting and how she’s “so fat” to the point of storming out of the house when I asked her to please calm down. Just a couple of hours earlier, we'd ordered food and she ordered a salad, then asked to trade my burger and fries with her. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Because she farted, and thought it was "too awkward". FML
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Top comments
ifuckmonsters 5
And you're surprised?
RochelleRedvines 8
She asked for it. Literally.
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Comments (144)
bribritaytay 11
There is only one thing we really know about girls. You don't EVER tell them they're fat. EVER.
FadeIntoLucy 12
I don't think OP deserves it. Where the hell did the girlfriend see that going? When you flat out ASK to be insulted, I think you should expect it.
katties 27
How the hell would anyone really think that insult for insult makes things up and everyone becomes friends again?
meso222 8
Its a guy thing normally... We insult eachother, hopefully it prevents a fist fight but either way the problem ussually solves its self.
supportcommand 17
Never hack on a girls weight. You should have told her she sucks at sucking dick. That way you both win. She got her insult, and you will get better blow jobs.
OfficeNinja 5
You fell for the oldest trick in the world! I would have come up with an insult that was more about me than her. Like for example " you don't let me get drunk". See that implies weakness on my part (I like to get drunk) and strength on her part (she is a good influence on me and I can't live without her). Or some such bullshit. But NEVER use the fat card!
TopBanana20 11
"I can't think of an insult baby, you are too perfect." would have been soo much better. She would have felt like crap for insulting you earlier and you would have gotten major brownie points.
Levvy 22
Shallow manipulation isn't any healthier than trivial insults that may or may not have been sincere.
ChubiAlina 6
Dude that's the wrong thing to tell a girl. Everyone knows how women are about their weight. You were just being a douche.
IntoTheClouds 42
She ******* asked for it. If she's unprepared for an insult, she shouldn't ******* ask for an insult.
carminecris89 13
Sounds like a bizarre relationship. I don't know why it wouldn't occur to her to just apologize or for you to take the higher ground and not follow through with such a messed up request.
agentx52 13
Dude you're ******* retarded.
Nomadic1 20
Enjoy the silence. She must be young to think that is actually punishment....lol