Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said, "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML
Today, I was hooking up with a guy I just met. Things were getting hot and heavy and he asked me if I had a condom. I said no, and to which he replied "that's okay, we can just use a sock" and pulled his sock off of his left foot. FML
Today, things started to heat up in the bedroom. Not in a sexual way, though; the lamp caught fire. FML
Today, I lit a used tissue on fire in my room. Eventually, the fire became kinda of large (it was a big tissue) and when I blew it out, it fell on the carpet. Now I have a burn stain on it. FML
Today, I tried to give my first hand-job while wearing fuzzy socks in a carpeted room. I reached out to touch his dick and shocked him. FML
Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
Today, while I was in the midst of the most mind-blowing shower sex ever, the fire alarm went off. My girlfriend had left the stove top on and the entire kitchen had caught on fire. So instead of finishing, I frantically ran around naked trying to douse the flames. FML
Today, I made a drunken bet with friends that I could pour lighter fluid on my hands, light it, and shake it out before I got burned. I lost. FML
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
Today, I was refilling my lighter. Afterwards, I gave it a test light. I must've spilled some fluid because my thumb caught on fire. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Shock98 0
why on earth did you think this was a good idea in the first place?
marrajane 0
You know that "flammable" and "inflammable" mean the same thing right? Inflammable things catch fire???
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (296)
staciieee_x3 0
LOL ********.
shaggy102 0
thats ******* hilarious, LOL
Bangarang_Rufio 0
Pwned! Imagine if he didn't remove the sock from his dick before lighting it? The visual is too funny NOT to think of lol.
lizz1234 0
lol this made me laugh
LuvPink 0
You're a MORON. Inflammable means something CAN be set on fire! Inflammable = flammable. Your friend didn't lie to you, they must have known what an idiot you actually are and thought it'd be funny to teach you a lesson for being SO stupid. And second, how can you not know that (what i'm guessing are cotton) socks will catch on fire if you light them? YDI!
Callyn 47
in·flam·ma·ble Pronunciation: in-ˈfla-mə-bəl Function: adjective Etymology: French, from Medieval Latin inflammabilis, from Latin inflammare Date: 1605 1 : flammable Seriously, you're retarded.
JackDupp 11
Thats ok. Just keep putting your semen in a sock and keep it out of the gene pool - k?
ihatestupidppl 0
Ok, your friend is AWESOME. He probably DID know what inflammable means and wanted to trick you into doing something stupid. And he did. So you absolutely deserved it. And, I think someone said this before but its worth repeating...even if you DID think the semen would not catch fire...WHY would you assume the SOCK wouldn't either?! Did your friend also tell you that if you ever want to prevent things from catching fire you should give 'em a healthy coat of semen?! (Wow I just gave myself a horrifying mental image of someone like, trying to fire proof their house...*shudder*)
Brokendreams_fml 0
Dont you think per chance that the sock was flammable?
highlightthat 0
hey, moron, next time you decide to light something on fire, get a dictionary! inflammable means that it catches fire!