Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said, "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML
Today, I was hooking up with a guy I just met. Things were getting hot and heavy and he asked me if I had a condom. I said no, and to which he replied "that's okay, we can just use a sock" and pulled his sock off of his left foot. FML
Today, things started to heat up in the bedroom. Not in a sexual way, though; the lamp caught fire. FML
Today, I lit a used tissue on fire in my room. Eventually, the fire became kinda of large (it was a big tissue) and when I blew it out, it fell on the carpet. Now I have a burn stain on it. FML
Today, I tried to give my first hand-job while wearing fuzzy socks in a carpeted room. I reached out to touch his dick and shocked him. FML
Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
Today, while I was in the midst of the most mind-blowing shower sex ever, the fire alarm went off. My girlfriend had left the stove top on and the entire kitchen had caught on fire. So instead of finishing, I frantically ran around naked trying to douse the flames. FML
Today, I made a drunken bet with friends that I could pour lighter fluid on my hands, light it, and shake it out before I got burned. I lost. FML
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
Today, I was refilling my lighter. Afterwards, I gave it a test light. I must've spilled some fluid because my thumb caught on fire. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Shock98 0
why on earth did you think this was a good idea in the first place?
marrajane 0
You know that "flammable" and "inflammable" mean the same thing right? Inflammable things catch fire???
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (296)
nonnymouse 0
First of all, inflammable means "able to to catch on fire". Second of all, even if semen couldn't catch fire, didn't you think that the SOCK would??? Maybe you thought that semen had magic powers to render everything it touches fire-proof? Hmmm...this could be an interesting business venture. If it had worked, I mean.
JillianDramatic 1
Are you sure the semen was inflammable but teh SOCK was?
kibblesnbits1053 0
I'm confused...did you think the semen could catch on fire or not? Did you realize that socks can catch on fire?
pureamber 0
HOLY HELL. please let me never meet you in real life. [fellow RI]
Icy_fml 0
Wow ur an idiot. INFLAMMABLE MEANS FLAMMABLE YOUR FRIEND WAS TRYING TO TRICK YOU. IT WORKED. YDI.
keax_fml 0
hello? inflammable means it's flammable?
legumebean 0
not only does inflammable mean the same thing as flammable, but the sock was certainly not FLAME-RESISTANT. and shaking something around is the way to fan the fire, not put it out. not only are you an idiot, but your friend's an evil genius.
Daaniellee1234 8
Well then. You learn something new everyday.
Doorhandle57 0
in⋅flam⋅ma⋅ble [in-flam-uh-buhl] –adjective 1. capable of being set on fire; combustible; flammable. Idiot.
thelonelylurker 0
You must be 12. And on that note, GTFO the internet.