Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said, "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML
Today, I was hooking up with a guy I just met. Things were getting hot and heavy and he asked me if I had a condom. I said no, and to which he replied "that's okay, we can just use a sock" and pulled his sock off of his left foot. FML
Today, things started to heat up in the bedroom. Not in a sexual way, though; the lamp caught fire. FML
Today, I lit a used tissue on fire in my room. Eventually, the fire became kinda of large (it was a big tissue) and when I blew it out, it fell on the carpet. Now I have a burn stain on it. FML
Today, I tried to give my first hand-job while wearing fuzzy socks in a carpeted room. I reached out to touch his dick and shocked him. FML
Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
Today, while I was in the midst of the most mind-blowing shower sex ever, the fire alarm went off. My girlfriend had left the stove top on and the entire kitchen had caught on fire. So instead of finishing, I frantically ran around naked trying to douse the flames. FML
Today, I made a drunken bet with friends that I could pour lighter fluid on my hands, light it, and shake it out before I got burned. I lost. FML
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
Today, I was refilling my lighter. Afterwards, I gave it a test light. I must've spilled some fluid because my thumb caught on fire. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Shock98 0
why on earth did you think this was a good idea in the first place?
marrajane 0
You know that "flammable" and "inflammable" mean the same thing right? Inflammable things catch fire???
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (296)
McLaughlane 0
You will be earning a Darwin award sooner rather than later, I'd imagine.
alex_vik 1
This reminds me of the Simpsons episode were Dr. Nick learned that inflammable and flammable mean the same thing.
CrazyAsian 0
HA! I thought the same thing. The quote just kept running through my head "Inflammable means flammable?"
lizzzie_fml 0
Just what I was thinking. The OP is an idiot.
Antonio718 0
Wow, me too!
doglady 16
omg totally "INflammable means flammable?!?"
kitteh 0
So you didn't know what inflammable meant and then you assumed that the sock would not catch on fire because it has cum on it. You are a ******* idiot.
danny57_fml 0
u sound like the kid that watches a superman comic, than breaks both his legs jumping out of his windows...
itsgen 16
ewww ur ******* gross!!! why the hell would you do that eww and im guessing you have a chode
xbabygirl02x 0
HAHAHAHA YFI = You ****** idiot From your little experiment I see that you proved it true that semen is infact inflammable. You obviously didn't pay attention in school did you?
Mnemic 6
Why the hell do you blow your load in a sock anyway? Eeeuwwwwwww.... And setting it on fire ain't one of the smartest idea's...
glykoula09 0
keep going in a sock...we don't need any little idiot juniors popping out and burning things down.
heyyou1203 0
besides all of the other obvious stupid things that people have pointed out already, why did you think flinging it in the air would help put the fire out??????
Victoria2103 0
I think you meant "not flammable". But anyway. Even if semen can't catch fire (which is probably can't since it's made mostly of water), socks can. Moron.
52fremont 0
you know, people are also mainly water and they can catch on fire too...
bluedoll 1
Well, who knows if semen can or cannot be set on fire? OP should dry catching said product in a beaker, they're much harder to set ON fire than socks are. All in the name of science dude. You really do deserve that for thinking the super semen would protect a sock.
betch_lover 0
i find it hilarious how all of you guys are giving this guy so much shit, for what? it's a guy! they do things like that! it's what makes the world go round. i laughed my ass off at this one! BTW to all the people saying semen is made mostly of water, i'm sorry but you're wrong. sperm is 5% of what a man ejaculates, the rest is made up of WAY more than water. it is about a teaspoonful of sugar, protein, vitamin C, zinc and hardly any water which leaves the rest to be prostaglandins from the prostate and bulbourethral glands. who's the idiot now.