Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 6 year-old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop "pretending to be daddy" against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML
Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML
Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML
Today, I could hear my daughter playing with her Barbie dolls in her room. "Do you think your boss will agree to give you a raise?", she said. "Of course, we slept together!" My daughter is six. FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school saying that she had beat someone up. She's 4. FML
Today, my daughter told me she wants to be a stripper when she grows up, just like "Daddy's girlfriend." We're still married. FML
Today, my five year old daughter asked me what a divorce was. When I asked why she wanted to know, she replied with "Daddy wants one. He says you can have me." FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year-old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML
Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML
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Top comments
LadyKaya 0
FYL...I'm so sorry, especially when you have a child who's seen this/heard this...Not only has she seen things she's way too young to understand, or that he'd even do that with a child in the house, but the fighting/divorce that's on the horizon will be hard on her...It's sad that he didn't think of his daughter.
kitkatkelly 0
Daddy's gonna get a thumping from someone else tonight.
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Comments (176)
LadyAlathia 0
Set up a fake dr's appointment, then tell him you tested positive for syphilis. Get them both at once.
Mc09toofine 0
um.... #63 do you honestly think thats believable???..... you need help .....and ur an idiot
screwtaylor 0
I think that's a very good way to 'wrestle'. Safety first. That's actually a sexy roleplay to do.
hahathatsux 0
is that so? we should meet somewhere lolz jk
Vaetrus 0
I like how your name is accurate. :]
JEK0418 0
You three should have a triple threat match.
manstie 1
**** him more often then.
kukopia 0
Best to act like you don't know or even suspect... as you collect evidence for your divorce and arrainge your finances to your advantage. Sell everything of real value to a trusted friend for a nominal amount like $100. Hand his lawyer a $50 and request a reciept.
Pointy130 0
Darn Nelu, you stole my comment.
annamg 0
That really sucks. And even worse, he was enough of a selfish asshole to do it with your child at home! I smell divorce...
OMGitsKaleyxo 0
aw. im sorry. that douchebag.
Vicklovespuppies 0
At least they do it safe so they won't get hurt!