Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 6 year-old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop "pretending to be daddy" against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML
Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML
Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML
Today, I could hear my daughter playing with her Barbie dolls in her room. "Do you think your boss will agree to give you a raise?", she said. "Of course, we slept together!" My daughter is six. FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school saying that she had beat someone up. She's 4. FML
Today, my daughter told me she wants to be a stripper when she grows up, just like "Daddy's girlfriend." We're still married. FML
Today, my five year old daughter asked me what a divorce was. When I asked why she wanted to know, she replied with "Daddy wants one. He says you can have me." FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year-old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML
Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML
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Top comments
LadyKaya 0
FYL...I'm so sorry, especially when you have a child who's seen this/heard this...Not only has she seen things she's way too young to understand, or that he'd even do that with a child in the house, but the fighting/divorce that's on the horizon will be hard on her...It's sad that he didn't think of his daughter.
kitkatkelly 0
Daddy's gonna get a thumping from someone else tonight.
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Comments (176)
liveandletlive89 0
I think you should wrestle Melinda yourself.
RavensRule97 0
win
honne_tatemae 9
It's not Melinda's fault OP's husband is a scumbag. Whenever someone cheats people always blame the other man/woman for 'leading them astray' or whatever. But really the only person the OP can blame is her husband.
Emo_Lover 0
Dam if I was u I would kick him out for good he not worth it u deserve better then hi If he is really doing that to u.
Overcast117 5
At least nobody's hurt.
she_says 0
i mean at least they were thinking about safetty first by wrestling on the bed, right?
Xdanicat 0
I'm rarely a bitch in my comments, but I'm gonna put YDI just because you put your name as abercrombief. They have nice but overpriced clothing and shitty staff.
justbea777 0
so your really gonna say ydi because of where she shops? . . . you're stupid.
Xdanicat 0
lol, are you serious? It's not called stupidity when it's so trivial. It's FML and anything goes. There's even a group of infamous trolls here that deserve more insults than me.
Sgt_Pineapple 0
She deserved to be cheated on because she buys her clothes somewhere that you don't like? Harsh.
sublime93 0
Don't be jealous #30 cuz your economic stability doesn't permit you to shop there :p
daniigiirl 0
awwwww poor you can't afford their clothes T_T FYL for being an ignorant troll
Elargentino15 0
bahahah someone cant afford A&F and is mad about it... XD
likeOMGwow 0
so if the clothes are nice...theyre probably not that overpriced. besides, abercrombie actually isnt that expensive for most stuff lol and the staff is not the same in every store
rickolette 0
WTF??? HOW does that have anything to do with what she posted?
hk_fml 9
Oh shit. That's so terrible. I hope you make a good decision with this.
null_fml 11
You need to put a stop to this!!! Sure wrestling on the bed seems safer 'cause it's softer, but just wait till one of them falls off and breaks an ankle!
redheadfreak929 0
Whoa Whoa Whoa u people r missing the most important thing here, did he pin her or did she pin him :PPP?
DameGreyWulf 1
Show him how well you wrestle wielding a splintering broom handle.
buckeye_12 0
what the hell kind of person would do that with the daughter in the house? well i mean what the hell kind of person would do that period, but still...
ohmygoodnex 0
37 took the words out of my mouth. OP: 1. Buy a baseball bat 2. Hit spouse 3. Repeat 4. Don't get caught 5. ??? 6. PROFIT!!!!
noelmccartney 3
FYL BIG TIME I'm sorry :(