Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 6 year-old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop "pretending to be daddy" against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML
Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML
Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML
Today, I could hear my daughter playing with her Barbie dolls in her room. "Do you think your boss will agree to give you a raise?", she said. "Of course, we slept together!" My daughter is six. FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school saying that she had beat someone up. She's 4. FML
Today, my daughter told me she wants to be a stripper when she grows up, just like "Daddy's girlfriend." We're still married. FML
Today, my five year old daughter asked me what a divorce was. When I asked why she wanted to know, she replied with "Daddy wants one. He says you can have me." FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year-old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML
Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML
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Top comments
LadyKaya 0
FYL...I'm so sorry, especially when you have a child who's seen this/heard this...Not only has she seen things she's way too young to understand, or that he'd even do that with a child in the house, but the fighting/divorce that's on the horizon will be hard on her...It's sad that he didn't think of his daughter.
kitkatkelly 0
Daddy's gonna get a thumping from someone else tonight.
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Comments (176)
jellyfish_ftw 0
wow. pretty sure you could sue his ass for letting his daughter watch. that's just sick. there's got to be a law against that.
okevino 0
did your daughter tell you whether they were wrestling naked or not
MoobyTheCow 2
At least he's getting his exercise. And he's responsible, keeping it on the bed so neither will get hurt. Wrestling is a healthy sport. Maybe you should take up tennis?
Ranoona 0
I sense a divorce......
woah_dang_baby_fml 0
aww I'm sorry :( that's so sad. he's a douche, you deserve someone better!!
jamielax11 0
THAT IS NOT SMART!!! IF YOU GET KNOCKED OFF THE BED THAT COULD LEAD TO SERIOUS INJURY!
giganticbrain 0
Agreed. They need to take more precautionary measures.
Shmoopie4 0
Wow. What a classy guy... Take his ass to court and fleece him for every penny he has.
Ninjarawie 0
What the innoncent child! lol
Prendergast 0
ëîûœßšåżçń
splenda789 0
your husband is messed up