Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 5 year-old daughter and I had the displeasure of walking in on my husband going down on another woman. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that it’s been 2 hours and my daughter won’t stop bawling, or the fact that my husband threw the biggest fit, because I “had to come home too early.” FML
Today, after a long dry spell, my girlfriend started coming on to me in the living room early in the morning. Just as things were getting good, her toddler rushed in. Now she's crying in her room, and he won't stop sobbing and asking, "Why was your wee-wee in Mommy's mouth?" FML
Today, my wife and I were getting intimate in the morning. First time in forever. Things were just starting to get steamy when our 10-month-old daughter woke up. FML
Today, my 6 year-old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop "pretending to be daddy" against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML
Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through the living room completely naked with her bottle, laughing his head off. FML
Today, instead of being an adult, my husband was more hysterical than my daughter during a hissy fit. It makes me want to divorce him. FML
Today, in the morning, my wife and I were having hot but silent sex on my futon while our 3 year-old slept in his crib. It was going great until my turn to come when I released a loud, "AARRGHHHHHH". My son promptly got up, took one look at me and his mother's back, then promptly went back to sleep without a word. FML
Today, my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later, our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML
Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
Today, I was trying to sleep when I saw a head looming from the darkness with no eyes and a mouth open like a silent scream. I just froze and pissed myself. It was my daughter wanting to cuddle with us. Alas, the bed was wet, so she got put back in her bed, while we had to share the sofa downstairs. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
That sucks! Wait, no, it doesn't!
PenguinPower 8
Wow I feel sorry for you, having to deal with two children at once!
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Comments (57)
perdix 31
That sucks! Wait, no, it doesn't!
Pleonasm 36
No pulling off of sunglasses?
perdix 31
#12, no, my friend, not this time. This was not an LSG moment. I hear David Caruso is looking for work, maybe he'll give you a little mentoring in the art of LSG.
asnakelovinbabe 16
*pulls sunglasses off of Perdix*
HowAreYouToday 34
YYEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Catkam623 27
Pretty sure he only lowers them.
abu4u 26
Kids these days huh!!! Always cockblocking.
garrett1999o3 16
#1 finally,a first comment that isn't a FYL or YDI.
Nydeira 11
Cockblocking!*cough* steals sunglasses off Perdix*
imvee5599 7
Wow Op I wanted to say it couldv'e been worse but nevermind....
challan 19
It could have been! He could have been going down on her when the child cried.
BadDino 6
I think getting their house broken into during that would be much worse..
geon_olam 17
The only thing worse than this "AIDs bomb" of which you speak is your grammar, bro. (If that was sarcasm, it didn't work too well...)
ShyAnn29 15
41, I can just picture that, a thief coming into the house and bursting into the bedroom only to come face to face with the husband, as his wife is sucking on him.
LuckBeNimble 19
57: if I was a thief and that happened, I'd peacefully leave them be. but not before high-giving them both.
tayymeds 23
#47 although I partially agree with your logic, your grammar and English is absolutely horrendous.
PenguinPower 8
Wow I feel sorry for you, having to deal with two children at once!
imvee5599 7
Lol that's true!
natsaysheyyy 16
It can feel like that the whole world is against you sometimes. Be happy that he gets upset when he can't have sex with you. A lot of couples just aren't attracted to each other after years of marriage, so be thankful!
BeMyLove15 10
Sounds like you have two children on your hands.
notsostraight 8
haha just join in with the crying..
loserman67 36
I mean I can understand him being upset about his ******** getting interrupted, any guy would get upset. But to almost cry? You either give the most fantastic head or you ration out the blow jobs so severely that he knew it would be quite awhile before you finished that one or gave him another.
perdix 31
#7, no, there's the very real fear of the dreaded DSBs! If you get a half a ******* and it doesn't get finished, you can die from the Deadly Semen Backup! Or so I've heard.
challan 19
#17 I've read that DSB is easily cured, no worries. It's the hands on approach to modern medicine.
perdix 31
#21, indubitably, it is curable if attention is given to the problem immediately. It is when the situation is neglected and allowed to fester that the disease can live up to its intial D.
challan 19
This is why early detection is so important! I myself, keep up daily self examinations. I would hate to pass on from DPN. Deadly Pussy Neglect.
RedPillSucks 33
Some how, I think there's a long line of men willing to help inoculate you against DPN
kittenmeownyan 18
Your picture is perfect, js
challan 19
#53 Perdix has DSB not DPN... But yes, he has men lining up to help him.
martinez121797 15
She knew exactly what she was doing!
RedPillSucks 33
You mean, putting the childs needs above her husbands sexual pleasure?
Obey_StudBoii 23
She's just a child. Smfh.
Inciter 33
Tell him to go take a cold shower. Your child should be a bigger priority than sexual pleasure.
WeskersSexslave 15
put a gag on yer kick and continue pleasing your husband... private times are golden when you have kids
karlcolt45 19
and your neighbors cried, “i need to move!"