Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 6 year-old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop "pretending to be daddy" against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML
Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML
Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML
Today, I could hear my daughter playing with her Barbie dolls in her room. "Do you think your boss will agree to give you a raise?", she said. "Of course, we slept together!" My daughter is six. FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school saying that she had beat someone up. She's 4. FML
Today, my daughter told me she wants to be a stripper when she grows up, just like "Daddy's girlfriend." We're still married. FML
Today, my five year old daughter asked me what a divorce was. When I asked why she wanted to know, she replied with "Daddy wants one. He says you can have me." FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year-old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML
Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML
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Top comments
LadyKaya 0
FYL...I'm so sorry, especially when you have a child who's seen this/heard this...Not only has she seen things she's way too young to understand, or that he'd even do that with a child in the house, but the fighting/divorce that's on the horizon will be hard on her...It's sad that he didn't think of his daughter.
kitkatkelly 0
Daddy's gonna get a thumping from someone else tonight.
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Comments (176)
nodbor 11
did she say who wins the most rounds?
regalarius 0
Nothing wrong with a nice, innocent wrestling match...
iFruit 0
Aww, kids are so innocent Anyway OP, fyl a thousand times over. I hope you expose your husband for the cheater he is. GL!
wazdog 4
Any reasonable person could see this coming. Either this is fake or the guy's a retard.
zangledog 0
haha wow... someone needs to go get themselves a **** buddy xD
Trollkiller 0
plz stop posting abt same story in different versions. we r fed up of this fake madeup ones
kukopia 0
FML is for (and I quote the FML FAQ) "everyday anecdotes and stories likely to happen to anyone and everyone" Therefore, EVERYONE is going to submit the same things... If reading similar stories doesn't interest you, then you'd better find another web site to entertain you. FML isn't JUST for YOU. That's why we ALL get to vote. I support the motion for FML to add a THIRD button. Life isn't simply black and white. I'd also like a way to banish the kids that only do lame posts.
Dporter 0
Today, my wrestling trainer came over. Since my mat was ripped we did it on the bed, for safety. Later, a bit after my wife came home she started yelling at me for cheating on her and told me to leave! FML
Hay_bugs_0722 0
#55 you are a pig
DieterDerBlau 0
what about the rest of us???
Luxen 0
Goodness, your own daughter had to tell you your husband cheat on you... that really sucks, I'm so sorry.
hai_im_bruno 0
mlia ftw
jellyfish_ftw 0
i love you!