Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, my mom told my dad to get me extra absorbent pads, very loudly, in a crowded mall. FML
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Top comments
arandomperson97 19
Did he use objects from the shelf as visuals too?
feven 32
"So son, you take this here (picks up shoes) and stick it into here (points at socks). AND that is how babies are made"
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Comments (65)
AirBusDriver 23
Your dad sounds unstable. Sorry OP!
photographer49 22
#11 OP'S dad sounds hilarious, if this is considered unstable then everyone's parents are unstable. Maybe he wanted to make sure OP remembers this conversation.
missyfiona89 28
IF YOU HAVE SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE, YOU WILL DIE! YOU WILL GET AN STD AND YOU WILL DIE! IF YOU HAVE SEX WITHOUT PROTECTION, YOU WILL DIE! YOU WILL GET AN STD AND YOU WILL DIE!
ThuNDeY 23
Don't die, get DirecTV
MrConcise 35
Coach Carr, we all know you're into underaged Asian girls. Don't preach to abstain.
WaltzingPhanthom 23
Today, I was out shopping with my 5 year old and overheard a conversation about sex. Unfortunately, he did too and now believes that life is a lie.
Livin_Like_Larry 29
Did the store employees join in?
hoosiergirl94 31
I work at Target and I can promise you that that's hardly the most embarrassing thing I've seen
JohnTheDonJuan 11
Your paycheck comes to mind as more embarassing...
rebelbelle 17
well the top of his lungs is a weird place to have a sex talk
ARetardedSeal 24
And then you shout back, "it's not fair to mom if your seeing another man!"
abNormal62 23
Did you get the whole **** or did you get 25% off?
abNormal62 23
Should have said whole talk Not whole **** Apologies to all Will remember to spell check and proof read in the future
SystemofaBlink41 27
It can be used as metaphorical slang, though. "What happened between you and Janie?" "Well, let me give you the whole ****..."
Mossygirl357 12
Did you walk away?
gobiteme2 34
It sucks to be you with a father like that. But on the bright side if he made a mistake in some instructions he had a Targeted audience to help out.