Today, a man walked through my line with a XL bottle of lotion and many boxes of tissues. As I was ringing him up, the customer broke the silence by saying, "Yeah my son won't stop using the cooking oil for his 'personal time'", finger-air-quotes and all. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at Bath and Body Works with a friend of mine. She wanted me to smell a particular lotion and when she brought it up to my nose, she squeezed the bottle and lotion went all over my face. Right after, a worker came by and commented how the lotion "got a little too excited". FML
Today, as I was ringing in a customer, I noticed that the Febreeze spray can was wet. Noticing this, I sniffed my hands because they had got wet, and said to the customer, "Oh, the can is leaking… want to go get another one?" He then said, "No it's OK, I just sweat a lot." FML
Today, at Jiffy Lube, a woman and her 4 year-old son were waiting at the checkout counter. As I walk by them, her son mistakes me for his father and holds my hand. The woman immediately grabs her son's wrist, looks at me, and says, "Sicko." FML
Today, I noticed that my very expensive facial cleanser was almost out. I had moved in with my boyfriend recently, and questioned him, telling him "You don't have to use so much to wash your face. That's a $70 bottle." To which he responded, "Oh, that nice-smelling stuff? Yeah, I use that on my junk." FML
Today, I went to the grocery store. As I was checking out, I went to grab the same item that the cashier was reaching for. He brushed my hand. He then both watched me creepily and asked my what lotion I used to make my hands so soft. When I left, he said, "I'll dream of you." FML
Today, my nine year-old stepson overheard me telling my husband that I was almost out of my favorite shampoo, and since it was discontinued, I couldn't buy any more. He got in the shower and happily emptied the bottles down the drain. FML
Today, in a supermarket, my four-year-old son whispered to me, asking if the checkout lady was able to wash between her fat rolls. She heard. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me a gift. A half-used bottle of body lotion that belonged to his dead wife. FML
Today, my mom was gifted with a toiletry basket. I grabbed the lotion and used it without asking. When I went out, it began raining hard. I got wet and noticed my skin got very sticky. Turns out the lotion was actually body wash. People were wondering why soap bubbles were coming from my skin. FML
Today, my dad got into an argument with the cashier about how overpriced the scented tampons were. FML
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Top comments
d j mom 9
I think that's hilarious! imagine how he felt having to buy that. f his life too
Lost Reggie 22
Be a sport Dad and buy him some Astroglide and wash cloth.
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Comments (4)
d j mom 9
I think that's hilarious! imagine how he felt having to buy that. f his life too
Lost Reggie 22
Be a sport Dad and buy him some Astroglide and wash cloth.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Fellow men, anyone else top this? I thought moisturizer was weird enough.
Justkidding100 41
cooking oil?? like olive oil?? throwback ancient greek style!