Today, my family and I watched Madagascar 2. When we got to the part where Gloria the hippopotamus is praised for her chunkyness, my little sister looked at me and said, "If you were a hippo, maybe then you would get a date." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at the mall and started singing along to the playing of "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas." A kid glanced at me and said to her mom, "She IS a hippopotamus." FML
Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML
Today, my wife compared me to Sid the sloth from Ice Age. Same smile, same eyes, same belly, same big feet. FML
Today, I took my daughter to the zoo. I threw a piece of my sandwich towards a very cute chimpanzee. As a thank you, he threw a piece of crap at me, which exploded all over my shirt. FML
Today, I got on an elevator with a woman and her child. I was the first one on. When she stepped on, the capacity alarm went off. As she left she told her daughter that's why fat people shouldn't be allowed in public. I'm 145 lbs. She was twice my size. I got called fat by a hippopotamus. FML
Today, I told my dad and brother that I want to take Zumba classes. My brother said, "Did you hear that? Pumbaa wants to Zumba!" Then he starting dancing and making pig noises. My dad high-fived him. When my mom heard, she high-fived him too. FML
Today, I overheard my mum tell my sister that she should make me a bridesmaid at her wedding. My sister scoffed, "She looks like Shamu, mum. I can't have THAT in my wedding pics." followed by laughter and my mum saying, "Touché." FML
Today, as my girlfriend and I were finishing up a romantic dinner, she gazed into my eyes for a moment and said, "You know, sometimes you look like a character from Sesame Street." FML
Today, I showed my mom a picture of a baby sloth. She then said, "Wait, sloths are real?" She thought Ice Age made them up. FML
Today, at work, I was discussing animated movies with a male senior who's got kids. I was trying to refer to Zootopia but couldn't remember the name. I went, "Zoo, zoo... filia?" Silence. It wasn't until I got home an hour later that I realized what I said. FML
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Top comments
MarkerofMagic 0
haha mean sister but good movie.
FailVader 0
you shoulda said, " if you talked less, maybe YOU would get a date."
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Comments (371)
XxXMetalChicXxX 0
ydi for watching that mooooovie
hotstuff569 0
dat really sux
hifatpeople 0
how old is she and howd she say it?
Raleigh_bruh 7
Blahh, what a let down.
hotstuff569 0
61 nice hair
hotstuff569 0
hhahahahaha my last comment was 69
i_likeblondes 0
haha WIN
SeanFredrick 3
Woah youre so lucky I wish I was 69. **** I need to get back my emoji 3===D~~~~ O:
hotstuff569 0
thnx 4 da backup 83
randomlettrrs 8
Comment Moderated
Raleigh_bruh 7
Hmm, maybe. Go get some rest then.
Arcran5 0
Wow, your sister is awesome.
hotstuff569 0
that's rude maybe u should grow up u don't even know how old I am I could be acting my age
hotstuff569 0
little bit higher just a tiny bit
hotstuff569 0
y can't we stop fighting it's all good I apologize I shouldn't have said dat it was inapropriate
ohthebloodygore 16
115 - If you spelt correctly, maybe you'd be understandable.
hotstuff569 0
I'm on an iPod touch I just wanna finish da type as fast as I can u can understand me easier than sum of da pplz I know sum txts just look like random letters
hotstuff569 0
cute pets
ohthebloodygore 16
You just want to finish the type as fast as you can? How is that even understood?
hotstuff569 0
stop hatin on me y u guys so vicious
hotstuff569 0
fine are you happy now????
Freeze_fml 17
no????
hotstuff569 0
Are you happy now? Sorry, I didn't know I was with the grammar police.
hotstuff569 0
4 get it I tried 2 be friends and it didn't work I'm outta here
Raleigh_bruh 7
Wow, after all the times I've told Ignorance her spelling/grammar nazi ways would never make a difference.. Today, I stand corrected.
SeanFredrick 3
Damn graham cracker nazis what am I supposed to make smores with now? Why is it that Grammar Nazis enforce proper grammar when real Nazis killed shit. You'd think the people butchering grammar would be the grammar Nazis. Then again, we wouldn't call a regular nazi a Jew Nazi, so I guess it makes sense. ****, I hate when I go to argue something and end up provin myself wrong.
ohthebloodygore 16
I'm not a grammar Nazi.
SeanFredrick 3
I didn't say you did.
ohthebloodygore 16
166 - If you come to that conclusion, (Where you prove yourself wrong) don't push send. Your whole comment was worthless because in the end, you said it wasn't the case.
SeanFredrick 3
No just posting an irrelevant post in a relevant area. Raleigh said grammar nazi before I did so get onto him.
Freeze_fml 17
Heil Spell Check!
SeanFredrick 3
181 that's the whole point i think it's funny when people think I'm an idiot. because I have no sense of humour, probably. but I don't like people thinking I'm a loser cuz that's the truth, so maybe I should stop posting. But of course I won't unfortunatly.
Raleigh_bruh 7
Lol, wow Sean.. :| I never called her a grammar nazi, I said she has "spelling/grammar nazi ways". Which she does, and she knows this.
paigeatsflesh 11
ohh haha. Well if he was, it was a fail because he just made himself look like a loser. aha.
Raleigh_bruh 7
Who's black? Also, my other comment didn't post so I'll just recap. I never said Ignorance was a grammar nazi, I said she has "spelling/grammar nazi ways". Which is true, and she knows this.
SeanFredrick 3
I never said anyone was a grammar Nazi, I was just discussing the topic with myself for no reason. I like looking like an idiot and you can't stop me. Well you can but I'd like to see you try.
SeanFredrick 3
yeah iicaptain get it right gotta assume someones black like that...
Raleigh_bruh 7
No, I am not black. Sorry to ruin your joke. :]
Raleigh_bruh 7
Majority mexican and jamaican, but I've got some white and native american sprinkled in there. Edit: Er, and haitian.
Bubbelz 25
He's pink :D
ohthebloodygore 16
Raleigh, do you know Spanish?
Raleigh_bruh 7
Yeeep, I sure do. Spanish was my first language actually, English was hard for me to learn growing up.
ohthebloodygore 16
Hah, awesome. Spanish was my first language too. Most people find it a shock that I speak Spanish.
SeanFredrick 3
I speak English!
Raleigh_bruh 7
#240 - What nationalities/races are you?
ohthebloodygore 16
Spanish/English, but most people see me and assume 'white girl!'. Even if they do think I speak spanish, they think I speak it crooked and with a weird accent.
SeanFredrick 3
I'm white, in case you couldn't tell.
Raleigh_bruh 7
Hmm, which one are you in your picture? And what was your name again? You said it last night, but I forgot. :x
ohthebloodygore 16
Redhead. I said my last name? No I said my first name; Precious. I have two last names Romo and Jaltkin.
ohthebloodygore 16
Oh, my mistake. I did not read it correctly, I thought you asked what my last name is.
Raleigh_bruh 7
Bleh, I have three last names. :| But yah, Precious, that's what it was. :P Pretty name.
ohthebloodygore 16
3? That's a lot. I think two is too much. Precious is an idiotic name. :p
randomlettrrs 8
we went from bad spelling and grammar to race, how?????
ohthebloodygore 16
We* and one question mark automatically makes it a question, you don't need that many.
Raleigh_bruh 7
Yep, Moreno-Banks Allen. :/ Aha, I like it though. I don't know anyone named Precious, so it's unique in my world. :P
ohthebloodygore 16
Moreno is the Spanish one. Easy to pick out like my 'Romo' Really? What about the movie Precious? :p
Raleigh_bruh 7
Yah, Moreno is the Spanish one lol. Hmm, Precious is a movie; therefore I don't know her or the person that played her in that movie. So you're still the only Precious I actually know, even though I don't know you. Make sense? :]
ohthebloodygore 16
Very much so. I don't like my name, reminds me of a dog. Mostly because my sister has two dogs; she named one Precious and the other Love. Both being my names.
Raleigh_bruh 7
Aha, was that done intentionally?
ohthebloodygore 16
Very much so. She's waiting for me to change my first and middle name so she can change her dogs name. Yes, my name is Precious Love :p Akward, I know.
Raleigh_bruh 7
Lol, wow. I think I just learned your whole name in one conversation. Sorry, but you will never know my middle name. Waaay too embarrassing. :p
ohthebloodygore 16
Haha is it Spanish or English? And, is it common in Spanish:English.
SeanFredrick 3
You spelled awkward wrong, Precious. that's at least two mistakes! Maybe you aren't such a grammar Nazi after all.
ohthebloodygore 16
Sean, I'm not a grammar Nazi! I'm a grammar Nazi in Spanish. I don't know English good enough to be a grammar Nazi, but thank you for the correction.
SeanFredrick 3
Well actually more like 10... But I'm not in the mood.
SeanFredrick 3
Anyway you corrected me I correct you it's only fair. Together we can conquer the world! Or at least spell shit correctly.
Raleigh_bruh 7
Precious, my middle name is neither I'm afraid. :P It's very odd, and I can't give you anymore clues.
SeanFredrick 3
Is it "Bruh"?
ohthebloodygore 16
Sean, it is fair. It's why I said thank you, my English can always improve. Raleigh, no more clues? How will I ever figure it out then?
ohthebloodygore 16
Sean, I'm pretty sure it's not 'bruh'. There's a song named 'bruh bruh'
Raleigh_bruh 7
No Sean, it's not bruh. I just say that word a lot, bruh. :P And Precious, that's the point. You aren't supposed to guess it because it's odd and I hate it.
SeanFredrick 3
Is it "Oddandihateit"?
ohthebloodygore 16
Raleigh, I say that word a lot as well :p I'll figure it out, some day. Very distant from today. Do you have a Mexican accent?
Raleigh_bruh 7
Aha, nah bruh it's not.
Raleigh_bruh 7
No, you will never figure it out. And yes, I have a distinct accent while speaking Spanish.
SeanFredrick 3
Nice pussy, Ignorance. Now take a nap or drink a monster.