Today, I received a Playboy magazine that I never ordered, and now my husband won't stop laughing at me or calling me a closet heterosexual. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I asked my dad if he'd like to see the photos of my wedding, which he didn't bother to come to. Reply: "What the fuck, are you gay or something? Keep that homo stuff to yourself." My wife started laughing so hard she was crying. FML
Today, my husband and I switched phones by accident. I've already received several naked pictures from one of his co-workers. FML
Today, my husband got some junk mail. My grandma brought the mail in and let my 5-year-old open it because it was just junk. It turns out it was a catalog from an adult toys shop. FML
Today, my boyfriend was extremely angry. He found a naked photograph of me online that he thought I'd been sending to other guys. It wasn't me. FML
Today, I was working at my desk when a colleague came over to my desk and said, “You loiter in gay bars”. I started having a panic attack because I thought he'd found out and would out me to my wife. Only when he began cracking up laughing did I realise it was a "joke." FML
Today, I found out my husband had a Pornhub account where he photoshops himself to look like a girl. The worst part is that I noticed he wore some of my maternity clothes in the pictures. I guess they were the only ones big enough to fit him. FML
Today, I woke up to a gift from my boyfriend: a Playboy magazine with a Post-It note that said, "Just a reminder that you're easily replaceable." I think he's still mad at me for beating him on X-box. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML
Today, I came home and caught my husband in a compromising position. He was watching Twilight. FML
Today, my husband put "sexual favors" on the memo line for my contractor's check. His wife saw it and he had to quit mid-job. I'm stuck with a half-finished house and my husband thinks it's funny. FML
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Top comments
twobearsforever 1
But he wouldn't want to use it..... the joke is that OP is a guy, they're both men who are married to each other and don't want to look at photos of sexy women.
ohsnapword 21
Laugh with him. Sounds like the two of you have a great relationship.
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Comments (14)
Tripartita 45
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I know you'll probably get a lot of people trying to be politically correct and supportive, but I'd prefer you keep this hetero crap to yourself. No, I'm not a heterophobe, and I guess what two people do in the privacy of their own bedrooms is fine, but it just seems so unnatural. Find someone with genitals that look like yours and get on with life. It's a choice, you… breeder.
CultureChic 14
This is amazing. ?
gatorclay97 28
Is a homosexual man I agree with this post.
twobearsforever 1
I don't care what people do in their own homes but I don't want my family to be influenced by this crap. Everyone knows that normalizing this kind of thing will just make kids want to be hetero. So tired of this PC bull making everyone think heterosexuality is normal.
Nanon Jay 3
oh wow look at those down voters. those are examples of people who dont understand irony and sarcasm ?
adjwejaelwkdc 21
Are you sure that he isn't the one who had it sent to you?
adjwejaelwkdc 21
Clarification: As a practical joke, not (as mentioned below) so that he could get it for himself.
blindseagull 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That's gay.
ohsnapword 21
Laugh with him. Sounds like the two of you have a great relationship.
Cynical_1 26
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Oh come on...you looked at it...admit it. I mean everyone loves boobs.
RichardPencil 32
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You're always welcome on our team. It's been a rough few years for us -- we're no longer the cool kids lately.
twobearsforever 1
Want me to call the wahhhmbulance for you? Boo-hoo, so you're not the center of the universe all the time. You don't have to worry about literally being killed for your sexuality so excuse me if no one sheds a tear for your entitled ass.
Cali 57
His entitled ass was making a joke. This is FML! Chill the heck out!
whoops2 1
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
hetrosexual is opposite sex, so technically, if you a women with a husband, you are hetrosexual. two people of the same sex is homosexual so if you were a women who liked other women then you would be homosexual, so to the person who said hetro sexual people are unnatural, they are a dumb ass and I'm sure after reading this,, you'll have your own opinion on your husband.
cakefete2 31
That joke sailed clear over your head, uninhibited by a small thing like sense.
Cali 57
Xanster82 is also whoops2?
Talis99 26
Whoops2, your username is laughably appropriate. Not only can't you spell heterosexual, but I think it should be fairly obvious OP is a gay man. If I'm wrong on that, that would be my own 'whoops'. And the person who said heterosexuality was unnatural was joking. As that's what jerks did to say about homosexuality.
Couch_Potato 17
wait so is this a Gay married couple?
Wendy O Koopa 5
yes for the time being in the states it's legal for two men who love and care for each to get married. before anyone jumps down my throat I'm against repealing gay marriage
Couch_Potato 17
I know it's legal
SadiyaRabia 8
I bet it was your husband, used your name just to get a Playboy delivered. He may laugh and joke, but it could've been his intension to conveniently have a Playboy magazine in the house for him to indulge in when he wants. That way he wouldn't be at fault if he just so happened to pick up and look through it when he got bored, because the magazine came in your name. To him, you're the one ordered it, if you didn't want him to look at it, he'd argue, you shouldn't have ordered it.
twobearsforever 1
But he wouldn't want to use it..... the joke is that OP is a guy, they're both men who are married to each other and don't want to look at photos of sexy women.