Today, my dog decided to fly through the front door like Superman. All 180lbs of her promptly slammed sideways into the wall, putting a dog-sized hole in the plaster. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was just about to sit down to watch my favorite TV show when my dog jumped over the back of my couch, landed on my head and tried to jump through the window. I now have concussion and a window to replace, all because of a bird. FML
Today, my dog decided to poop while inside a revolving door. Before I could do anything, the door swung around and smeared it everywhere. My dog excels at timing. FML
Today, a stray dog came up to my living room window. My pitbull went into attack mode and tried to jump through said window, while it was closed. Now I have to pay to replace the window, and pay to get stitches for my idiot dog. FML
Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML
Today, during a firework show, my dog gave me her opinion about them by practically eating half my bedroom door then defecating on my bed. FML
Today, I came home to find the dog had learned how to open our stair-gate and kitchen door, devoured the entire fruitcake I'd made for a special occasion, and then vomited said fruitcake all over the fabric sofa. FML
Today, I got home to my wife surrounded by plaster, old cement and bricks, and a fucking massive hole in the kitchen wall leading through into next door's kitchen. Apparently she tried to put up a shelf and the wall “fell down”. FML
Today, while dog sitting my neighbor's Great Dane, I decided to order pizza. As soon as I received it, the dog stood in the hallway staring at me. As soon as I moved, he ran full force and knocked me into the door, causing me to fall and drop the pizza, which he promptly devoured in front of me. FML
Today, my dog figured out she can wipe her butthole on my walls after having squeezed out a turd or two. FML
Today, my little Pomeranian dog got onto the kitchen bench by jumping onto the washing basket, the bookcase, and over the window sill, and ate my daughter's birthday cake while I was in the bathroom. FML
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Top comments
Doortje 30
That's actually pretty awesome. Call it design/modern art and pretty soon all your neighbours want to borrow your dog.
xxGheTToGumbYxx 16
Thats one big dog!
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Comments (187)
xlil_miss_emo_x 6
i would love to see the hole in that wall lol and damn your dog must be huge because it weighs more than I do! Lol and I hope he had fun and is allright lol. Tell him no more underdog re-enactments :)
MrBrick 0
are you saying we can throw u through a wall cuz u weigh more than 125?
hanzoo 0
hahaa I'd love it if my dog did something interesting like that, mine just sits around !
BeckyPsyche 0
I freaking love your dog!
Popatopagain 0
Wait wtf? 180 lbs dog? Ummmm, are you sure it want your sister
rends 0
Might as well try and find out. "But I don't wanna use my head!"
Lkgirl500_fml 0
Love it and what type of dog? And was it wearing a cape?
VeeEight 5
What the **** kind of obese dog do you have? I feel bad for 180lb of dog that has to walk!!!! **** you for letting her get that big!
xoxchelaxox08 17
You do realise that some breeds do get to be over 200 pounds? My female Neapolitan mastiff weighed in at 190 today, and she's not fat. Learn about what you chose to bitch about beforehand. You sound like a dumb ****.
foot_rape_salad 0
or a stupid penis...
lamAzn 0
i thought it's Today, not -Today.
Megtastic1 0
hahahahaha!