Today, while dog sitting my neighbor's Great Dane, I decided to order pizza. As soon as I received it, the dog stood in the hallway staring at me. As soon as I moved, he ran full force and knocked me into the door, causing me to fall and drop the pizza, which he promptly devoured in front of me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was trying out a new pizza recipe that I saw online. I made the dough, spread the sauce, and added my toppings. As I was about to put it in the oven, I realized I'd forgotten to preheat it. No big deal, or so I thought. I then knocked the entire fucking uncooked pizza face-first onto the kitchen floor. The dog ate better than I did tonight. FML
Today, I was walking to my room. My friend's dog, who has always seemed to hate me for no reason, let out the loudest bark he could muster the moment he saw me. Not only did he scare the absolute fuck out of me, he also made me drop my pizza. FML
Today, a dog came into my yard. I bent down to pet him, forgetting I had a burger in my hand. The dog grabbed it and ran. FML
Today, I was starving and ordered pizza. They said it would take 30 minutes. When it arrived an hour later, I was so hangry, I didn’t even wait for the delivery guy to leave. I grabbed the pizza box, ripped it open, and immediately dropped it face-down onto the ground. I ended up eating a slice of cold, dirt-covered pizza like a sad, defeated animal. FML
Today, I took my dog to the park, and he ran straight into a group of people having a picnic. Naturally, he grabbed the biggest piece of meat in sight and ran off with it. As I chased him, I tripped and fell in front of everyone. My dog then sat and chewed the meat in front of me. FML
Today, I tripped over my dog while carrying groceries. As I laid on the floor surrounded by smashed eggs, spilled milk, and a bruised knee, my dog stole the bread from the bag and and ran off. FML
Today, I felt like cheating on my diet and ordered a pizza. My mom and my sister were napping, so I put in the delivery notes, “Please don’t knock.” The delivery guy knocked anyway. LOUD. My mom and sister got up and saw everything. FML
Today, my dog was cold, so she kept sitting around the oven. When I opened it to put my pizza in, she hopped into it. The massive yelp of pain as she did so is going to haunt my dreams… and my financial stability. Even the vet has no idea how she's still alive. FML
Today, I leaned in to kiss my boyfriend goodnight at the door. He smiled sweetly, cupped my cheek… and then used his other hand to pull the last slice of pizza out of my hand and slam the door shut. FML
Today, I was waiting for my pizza delivery, which I had foolishly chosen to arrive at 5pm in the middle of rush hour. The pizza was roughly 30 minutes late due to this and I was so happy to get my pizza, I tried to help get the pizza out of the warming bag and somehow caused the delivery guy to drop his smartphone. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Harpy20 24
Please tell me there was a nanny cam.
awsetdvcshjkgss 1
Put his food bowl in front of him and then take it away when he comes at it
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (136)
Harpy20 24
Please tell me there was a nanny cam.
305Miami 0
Just order another box of pizza while icing your ass from that body check lol.
walmartpaysme 15
Seriously, that video would go viral so fast it would make your head spin. It would be awesome.
Zoh_Aubrey 8
OP, you just made my day. Thanks. :)
gc327072 31
Dog: "Doesn't matter, had pizza!"
drkate25 30
Pics or it didn't happen!
cheshireau 26
Because putting him outside or in another room never occurred to you.
syley 5
116) I'm sure the dog bowling op over didn't occur to op either
awsetdvcshjkgss 1
Put his food bowl in front of him and then take it away when he comes at it
Harpy20 24
His response- *Bitch Please*
gracehi 33
Dog food for pizza....hmmm...not a good trade.
chellyX92 8
That could end badly, very badly. Dogs get very defensive with their food. Especially when they know its in their bowl.
walmartpaysme 15
At this point, I think the dog should just keep the pizza.
sarah6786 14
Bitch please ;)
slurshies 11
28- *can. a lot dogs (at least the ones I know) are trained not to be aggressive even when food is present.
Goldenchest 14
62 - no, "could" is also correct
walmartpaysme 15
62, if you are going to correct people make sure your comment doesn't look like a train wreck.
DogsPaw 16
My dogs are a little aggressive with their food. Lemme go and stick my hand in your food and pat your head. I leave mine alone while they eat.
drkate25 30
You must not have small children. If you did, you would surely want to train your dog not to be food bowl aggressive, lest one of their small hands gets bitten off when they try to play with doggy while he chows down.
Climaxx 11
I don't understand why people let their dogs get food aggressive.. My dog will just sit up & stop eating till you allow him to eat again.
KrazieKleo 13
I'm not trying to be be one of those know it all but any dog owner shouldn't be afraid to take away the food from the dog. After all only reason the dog is eating is because the owner gave it to the dog. My dog wouldn't even move an inch when I put her food down. And I could take it away whenever I wanted and she'd sit back and wait for me to put it back down.
slurshies 11
to all my haters, I meant that the 'can' would go in the second sentence. sorry it wasn't clear.. although I look at it again and realize my comment wasn't necessary. I'll go back to hiding under my rock now :/
kbsimmer 14
Are you suicidal or something? That dog would kill you
MolesterStallone 13
Just be happy that thing didnt devour you too.
cheesecake_36 6
I have one! And they are harmless but they do have a lot muscle I will admit.
slurshies 11
yes they're harmless... unless their owner has trained them to be aggressive (which is possible)
friedbunnies 9
You probably should have fed him first.
spiritfang11237 16
Some dogs would still beg, or in this case push down the dog sitter, for food even if they were just fed.
herbie910 3
I'm guessing the dog likes pizza.
CherryLipBalm 1
NO WAY
greenie213 23
86- That dog about an hour later.
Warmonger_Smurf 29
And now you know why you never see the pizza delivery guy at their house.
sonuskos 6
I HUNGAAAAH!!!!!! - dog
Athleticism 11
What the hell is a hungaaaah?
SilentWind 0
I guess hungry
SenselessPattern 12
It's a city in Hungary.
ThePsyche 9
Well that escalated quickly. But seriously, don't eat in front of Scooby Doo, that dog always has the munchies.
junkman6 22
I was thinking marmaduke. Scooby would have just ninjad the pizza marmaduke would have ran someone over to get the pizza.
kimg0885 23
Next time order two pizzas, those dogs are big enough to be almost human. I tell everyone my dog is the lazy roommate on the couch. Darn dog just sitting around getting high and eating pizza all day. Didn't you know op everyone likes pizza!
chubbybunny963 7
Sounds pretty ruff