Today, I was just about to sit down to watch my favorite TV show when my dog jumped over the back of my couch, landed on my head and tried to jump through the window. I now have concussion and a window to replace, all because of a bird. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a bird ran into my window. My overzealous cat ran at it like the Flash and smashed his face in the window. He yelped and ran away, then as I was running to see if he was OK, I slammed my face in the door jamb. FML
Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML
Today, a stray dog came up to my living room window. My pitbull went into attack mode and tried to jump through said window, while it was closed. Now I have to pay to replace the window, and pay to get stitches for my idiot dog. FML
Today, I was caring for a bird that had flown into my window. I thought the poor thing wouldn't make it, when it shit in my hand, flew into my neck, then around my living room for ages before I could manage to get it out of the window. FML
Today, I was showing off my new pet bird to my friends over video chat. I opened the cage to demonstrate how friendly he was. Instead of perching on my finger like usual, he flew out the window. I spent the next hour chasing him around the neighborhood in my pajamas. FML
Today, I walked out into my backyard. As I did so, my dogs ran past me, slamming the sliding door off its track. I went to catch it, and knocked the bird cage over. To complete the fumble, as I turned to catch the bird cage, I stepped in a dog turd. I wasn't wearing shoes. We're all okay, but… FML
Today, my dog decided to fly through the front door like Superman. All 180lbs of her promptly slammed sideways into the wall, putting a dog-sized hole in the plaster. FML
Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML
Today, my cat tried to jump up to the window, and missed. This would have been hilarious if I had not been sleeping under that same window, and then caught him with my face. FML
Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML
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Top comments
dan13mey 0
But...is the dog ok?
LucianDeSouza 4
Well having a pet means you have a package of fortunate and unfortunate events .
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Comments (163)
fenceme235 0
sounds like a dorritos commercial
dan13mey 0
But...is the dog ok?
hannahcorrine 0
And what happened to the bird?
zachherbert 10
Don't forget the window.
morgan320 0
Oh and of course OP, but who cares?
margie2194 12
Are YOU okay?
bitchslapped22 14
What TV show?
MagicGiraffe 12
I'm pretty sure the dog didn't TRY to jump through the window, sounds like he DID jump through it considering it needs to be replaced.
BackInMyDay 0
your dog was just trying to jump over the moon.
boringday123 7
That's what i worried about D: Is the dog fine?
cyns0_oaSailor 0
So how was your favorite tv show?
jbunch2514 0
And did the dog scratch the sofa?
jake1632 9
#2.. thaaaats whatshesaid. ya i ******* went there
nava1210 12
Don't forget the medical bills and the window replacement, how's your wallet?
karch 0
you have a concussion to replace? awkward.
MariahDot 0
Is a concussion okay to you ?! If so , then yes .
HannahThunder 4
139 - No...no it's not.
writergirl23 19
Presumably the dog is, or that would be the fml
zomgbies 17
Ydi for not training your dog.
LucianDeSouza 4
Well having a pet means you have a package of fortunate and unfortunate events .
nater535 7
"Warning: having a pet includes minor chances of concussions, broken windows, and you will be held responsible for taking care it all." Lol :)
fatgirllovesfml 0
Hahahahahaha #15 your so funny...................................NOT -_-
zachherbert 10
24- you're... Now have a nice day
xSynergY 8
OP, Maybe it's a sign from god telling you to get off your fat ass for once
xSynergY 8
OP, maybe it's a sign from god telling you to get off your butt for once.
amazinglyHappy 6
I'm sure people have gone through a lot more because of a bird ;)
My_Nightmare 19
Care to elaborate?
amazinglyHappy 6
Bird, it's Like an old London term for Woman ya know?? It's a thing we all say... By we I mean family and friends.
My_Nightmare 19
Ah, assuming you live in the UK that makes a lot more sense. Americans wouldn't typically get that play on words. This makes your comment comical now. You deserve a thumbs up ^_^
amazinglyHappy 6
Hahaha, Oh Gosh I Think Everyone Uses It, Not Just Us British!! I'm so idiotic about different cultures sometimes!! But Thanks!
My_Nightmare 19
You're probably right. I think other cultures use that term as well it just isn't very popular in America. Hence my confusion. I've heard the term before but didn't associate it in that way until you brought it up.
marpay 11
Do you call boys bees? If so I might understand the birds and the bees talk.
xXshadowrollerXx 6
In my town, we call people who are extremely loud and obnoxious "birds".
xXshadowrollerXx 6
In my town, we call people who are extremely loud and obnoxious "birds".
ibedestinie 0
i live..... pie
False_Stupidity 42
Here in Aus, the term bird is often used in reference to a woman, usually a good looking one.
satph 12
126- not really...
hinchkongfang 0
126, not really, it's right up there with sheilla with slang from the 50s...
friedpwnadge 25
Oh well the bird, bird, birdbird's the word I said the bird, bird, birdbird's the word I said the bird bird bird bird bird is the word...
flockz 20
troll bird knows how to troll.
KiKiomggg 1
Ur profile picture made ur comment x2 better
eeppiicc 8
I want to be in Your top fml commenters list flockz.
BaconDave 12
You are on my favorites list
BaconDave 12
MADE YOU LOOK!
MaskingTape 2
Bacon Dave, I've been to your KFC; but alas, it is too much of a commute for me to be a regular.
RebekahBrooke 9
At least.... well, okay, there's no silver lining. sorry!
My_Nightmare 19
Good catch, 23 ;-)
morgan320 0
Atleast OP is still alive.
flockz 20
at least im still alive.
perdix 31
There is a silver lining, but you have to look real hard for it. In all the commotion, he probably missed his favorite show, so when it comes on as a rerun in a few weeks, it will be brand new to him!
Ikickmidgets 11
newspaper, shock collar and cage.
DeadxManxWalking 27
No. Not the way to train a dog. Besides all dogs chase things.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Shock collars are inhumane.
zachherbert 10
Love, proper training, obedience.
darkm00n_rising 1
This.
Vo13c3s1nMyH3ad 7
I've had many dogs and nothing stops a rowdy dog like a few volts ;)
MagicallyFat 12
Why don't I put a shock collar on your bitch made self
chelseaaababyyy 17
63 - i hate people who treat animals like that. and then say 'well its just an animal'. it may be an animal but it still has feelings and can feel pain. what if someone put a collar around your neck and shocked you everytime you were bad ?
Stonedmanalex 0
With all the atoms and molecules we are the same as dogs, without technology whos to say where we would of ended up
amrik 11
You sir, are a ******* douche bag. You should be put in a cage with news paper and a shock collar
champjb 0
Agreed
omfg_creepers 8
Just forget about it and hope it goes away.
THE_A_TEEN 28
You need immediate medical atrention if you have a concussion, you sound stupid...
JinxosGirl87 0
If you think concussions just go away, then your stupidity has been explained
GraceKathryn97 0
Haha that sucks!
jennyc246 8
holy crap dude hows the dog? he smashed his face through glass there must have been blood.