Today, I came home to find the dog had learned how to open our stair-gate and kitchen door, devoured the entire fruitcake I'd made for a special occasion, and then vomited said fruitcake all over the fabric sofa. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came home to find my dog had learned how to open our fridge. He ate the birthday cake I was saving for a friend's surprise party, and to add insult to injury, he'd also apparently thrown the barely digested cake up all over my bed. FML
Today, my little Pomeranian dog got onto the kitchen bench by jumping onto the washing basket, the bookcase, and over the window sill, and ate my daughter's birthday cake while I was in the bathroom. FML
Today, I went home for lunch. Upon opening the door, I smelled something horrid. My dog had opened his cage, eaten all the dog treats, and had diarrhea all over my bed and bedroom floor. FML
Today, my dog overturned and ate my trash, leaving coffee grounds and dog puke all over my floor. She also ate the broom. FML
Today, I woke up early to bake cinnamon rolls for a party. I came home later to find the whole tray spilled onto the floor, most of the rolls eaten, and my dog sitting happily nearby. FML
Today, I came home to find that my dog had figured out how to open the fridge again. He'd helped himself to raw eggs and crab. FML
Today, I came home to find that while my husband and children were mindlessly watching TV, one of our dogs got into the cupboard that stores the deep fryer. He got the lid off, ate all of the old oil and barfed everything up on the couch. FML
Today, I got drunk and spewed all over my lounge room floor. My dog ate it up, also got drunk, and also eventually spewed on the floor too. FML
Today, I spent hours baking a multi-layered, detailed cake from scratch for my mom's birthday. It took two seconds for my dog to devour the cake while I picked up a spoon I dropped on the floor. FML
Today, I found out my dog can open the fridge. Now I have no food left. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
porcupineattack1 5
Well that's probably what anyone who ate the fruitcake would have done, fruitcake SUCKS.
imp4ct 15
Smart dog!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (54)
imp4ct 15
Smart dog!
hellaflushfa5 6
Kind of sad when even your dog will throw up after eating your cooking.
asnakelovinbabe 16
I think that ANYONE would throw up after eating an entire fruitcake... No matter who made it.
mangoboy1 19
I think the dog is also a real bitch
Harpy20 24
Use a different recipe next time.
TheManager 6
Dogs eat their own shit sometimes. The recipe wasn't an issue.
RpiesSPIES 27
Isn't it vomit they eat? I don't recall hearing of any [real] dog eating feces.
unknown_user5566 27
To add onto what #20 said, Fruitcake is never good, no matter the recipe. I truly don't understand why people bother making it anymore, unless they want a festive door-stop.
myeviltwin 20
I didn't think anyone made it anymore. I just figured the same couple of dozen made sometime in the 50's kept on getting regifted every year :P
asnakelovinbabe 16
24..... Dogs eat their own shit, or another dog's shit all of the time. That used to be one of the leading complaints I would get at work, along with being asked how to make it stop.
porcupineattack1 5
Well that's probably what anyone who ate the fruitcake would have done, fruitcake SUCKS.
supportcommand 17
Agreed. I can't eat that shit either.
red_headforlife 15
I've never had it! Is it really that bad??
Misswildsides 22
Yes it is! Take us fellow fml'ers advice and save yourself from the horrid taste of the fruit cake.
demonwolfmaster 26
Depends on who makes it, it can be dry hard and tasteless but if some one who knows how to bake can make a moist and yummy one. If i could i would send you mine since mine is moist a bit dense like a fruitcake should, but not chock full of the crappy dried fruit.
KiddNYC1O 22
Sounds like you're advertising your chest.
richiedbond 16
Omg this one almost made me fall of my chair.
Blackcatluck 19
That is why we,cats shall rule your world and make dogs extinct. Then we will have all the fruit cakes we want, with fish on the side.
lilhellian 27
Hey hey, we're mans best friend.. Why? Because we ended y'alls reign over egypt long ago..
Blackcatluck 19
If it wasn't for you putting your noses in other people's buts we would've made this world a beautiful letterbox
lilhellian 27
Beautiful for who? We don't need litter boxes..
TheManager 6
Turtles!
asnakelovinbabe 16
MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES, BITCHES.
ironichalibut 24
Just look at my picture, if that's not one solid point for cats, I don't know what is.
ICastillo 25
Turtle Power!!! You guys are both screwed the turtles have the Ninja Turtles.
ViviMage 40
We all know bunnies rule the world every Easter!
wlddog 14
We dogs shall not give up our spot on the bed to you cats. Far too long have we chased you away, just to give up now. Cats are pure evil.
ShyAnn29 15
We dogs must stand together!
carry_on 19
I think your dogs trying to say something about your cake making...
thrAsHeRr9081 16
Or it could simply be the fact that the dog ate the whole damn thing. Who knows.
MooseKnuckle5150 13
You deserve it for making fruitcake
YepThatsMeee 23
Or YDI for having a dog. Almost every day there's an FML about some dumbass dog doing something stupid.
Born2die 11
Moral of the story: DO NOT EAT FRUITCAKE
lambda_fml 40
Do not make Fruitcakes rather.
obviousboy 8
Shit like this is why I don't have animals.
asnakelovinbabe 16
This is why I don't have FURRY animals. Snakes will never force open a gate and eat a special cake and then vomit it on the sofa.
imagineapc 11
Heeeey, not all furry animals can do stuff like this! I have two dachshunds. They have short legs and can't jump as high as the counter.
asnakelovinbabe 16
Yea, my brother has one of those little overgrown rats too... His name is SWAG (please, don't even get me started on that ridiculous shit) He is hilariously stubby and sometimes I wonder how they walk around without just breaking in half at the spine. I'm just waiting for one of my serpents to grow large enough. My snakes love swag. In their bellies.
birdierising 16
Overgrown rats? Haha no, those dogs are bred to hunt rats. They swallow them whole, like your snakes do, but they don't need to dislocate their jaw to do so =)
asnakelovinbabe 16
I'm kidding. I like dogs. I worked in the pet industry long enough that dog breeds, and dog food (their ingredients) are practically embedded in my brain. The only ones I really hate are those little yippy ankle biting teacup mixed breed abomination things. Or anything with such a smushed face and so many congenital problems it should have never been bred. Although it is the people that are to blame for that. Not the animals. Contrary to popular belief snakes do not "dislocate" their jaw. Their lower jaw has a series of bones that are not rigidly attached and the overall form is highly flexible. No dislocation involved. Just a little stretch, and then a yawn at the end.
ICastillo 25
Well if the dog threw it up... I'm just saying must have been bad.
sarah6786 14
He did whoever you were going to serve it to a favor.