Today, my daughter wouldn't stop yapping on about not being able to register on the new Harry Potter website. The amount of whiny jibber-jabber emanating from her cake-hole made me want to boot her from our family tree, and I had to resort to booze to wash the pain away. I'm a terrible parent. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my daughter turned 11. Since she LOVES Harry Potter, I decided to write her an acceptance letter to Hogwarts. When she saw the letter, she screamed and showed me. When she found out I wrote it, she told me she hated me, started crying, and stepped on my foot. FML
Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML
Today, during dinner, my daughter rudely cut into my conversation and gushed that she's "like, totally" going to audition for a reality TV show next year, after I pay her way. Five minutes into her jaw-dropping stupidity, I had to physically restrain myself from slapping her out of her chair. FML
Today, my mom made a Facebook status about me: "My daughter is on her rags and won't shut the fuck up #annoyingbitch". FML
Today, I took away my 8-year-old daughter's toy for throwing it too many times. She then said, "I need a beer." FML
Today, after months of being pestered to do so, I finally read the first Harry Potter book. I hated it. Upon hearing this, my girlfriend posted the fact on Facebook, where I immediately received tons of abuse and eventual shunning by my friends, family, and coworkers. My girlfriend just laughed. FML
Today, my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later, our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML
Today, I was going through my daughter's contacts, except all of them had names from Harry Potter. I found the name "Mom." I was relieved I didn't have some silly name, until I realized it wasn't my number; it was her father's new wife. My number was under "Voldemort." FML
Today, I told my daughter that she wasn't allowed to eat in her room, so she sat at the table and glared at me for 10 minutes while she ate. She's 15. FML
Today, after being fed up with my sarcastic, mouthy daughter, I decided to remove her TV from her room. I dropped it on my foot and broke two toes. She promptly said, "That's what you get." FML
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Top comments
ilovehamburgers 0
Yes you are.
emmiep1011 7
I hope you resorted to butter beer.
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Comments (479)
Ugi 27
Yes. Yes you are.
0___0 9
No wonder my younger sister was so excited when she got accepted to register that website. It's really hard to get in I heard.
malfoyfreak 3
It is, got me mad and yelling at the computer :| wonderful, I did get an account though :) non stop Harry potter does a lot for a fangirl •_•
ArielTheMermaid 17
It is haha but I got in :) it doesn't open to all until october
alex540150 9
haha same! My computer froze the first time I saw the clue due to the traffic, I almostcried! But today I happened to check and it was there and I got in!! We're two of a million! ;)
Its_A_Trap 0
Stupify!!!!!
sourgirl101 29
I've been waiting my whole life for just one **** And all I needed was just one **** How can you say that you don't give a **** I find myself stupified, coming back again. Big "Disturbed" fan!!(:
Hi_I_am_Q 0
Accepting the truth always makes it better...
SSWcyclones 0
You are horrible. Who would do that!!!!
Yarrachel 16
Pottermore is a piece of marketing genius. There is no real reason for this early registration while the website doesn't open until October. It's clearly finished (or mostly finished) already, or else nobody could be let in at all. There is no real reason for the clues and registration times except to make people more excited about it. I figure that if I happen to be on the site when registration starts then that's fine, but I'm not going to set alarms and freak out about it like some of my friends are.
pokejaden 5
Uh... I got in within three minutes.
missyj0 12
Yeah^ I just googled the answer. It wasn't like breaking into a bank.
hanhanjr 0
Early registration=beta testers. Its not a scam to make people more excited. People would be excited anyway.
fullofmetal 7
Pottermore is freaking awesome. She still has one more day to try and register, though.
scrapmetal58 9
Two days
lolkaela 6
sigh
bingo01_fml 13
totally sounds fake. no parent would publicly anounce feeling that way about their child, no matter how true it may be
cherryblossomchi 4
perhaps use birth control next time. there are millions of people who wish to be parents that can't, you should be grateful
12vballchick12 5
Agreed. And for those of you who are like 'well theres adoption' its a long process. It took my aunt seven years
sarcasmismyno1 22
I see no reason why other people's ability to have or not have children should be his concern. I doubt that was a motivating factor in why they had kids.
leannecloveryau 11
POTTERMORE FOR THE WIN I got in on Day 4. good luck with your kid!
yeseniaa14 0
I got in today! Super happy about it :)
annaloosy 0
Day 1 for me!
finalfantasygirl 0
Got in today(: it's a REALLY big deal for me and my parents get annoyed too >.< seriously, it makes me feel unwanted, probably cuz I am.
alex540150 9
Nice! I got in today :) HARRY POTTER FTW!!!