Today, my daughter was charged with multiple counts of vandalism and trespassing. It seems she's been sneaking out in the middle of the night, stealing and breaking our neighbors' lawn ornaments. Specifically garden gnomes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I bought a garden gnome to spice up my lawn. Tonight, someone threw it right through my living room window. Not only will the repairs cost a ton, my neighbor keeps saying stupid shit to me, like "You must be shattered" and "Looks like you ain't got a window gnome... more." FML
Today, I was woken up by my wife calling the police because our garden had been ransacked during the night. A whole row of houses has had their plants uprooted, greenhouses broken into and garden tools stolen. The cops haven't found any leads and I feel terrible for my wife, who poured her heart and soul into that garden. FML
Today, an old guy phoned the cops on my daughter because she was drawing with chalk on the sidewalk. Apparently, he thinks it's vandalism. FML
Today, my daughter's idea of a prank was taking all of our money and getting herself arrested. FML
Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML
Today, my daughter had to deal with a Karen at her job, lost her temper, and punched her unconscious just to shut her up. Sounds like a good thing, right? Wrong, she pressed charges, got my daughter arrested, and she’s now facing years in prison for grievous bodily harm. FML
Today, I was mowing my lawn when I lost control along our lawn borders and ran over one of my neighbor’s many garden gnomes. It exploded into a pile of ceramic. I soon discovered it was a limited edition collector's item when the neighbor came out just in time to see me turning her prized lawn decoration into shards. FML
Today, I was woken up by the police pounding on my door, saying I was under arrest for stealing road signs. My friends went drinking last night and thought it would be funny to steal seven stop signs, four bus stop signs, and two children crossing signs, then plant them on my front lawn. FML
Today, a woman accused my husband of being a pedophile because he was at the playground with our daughter alone. To make matters worse, our daughter punched the woman in the face, so now she's pressing charges. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
thegypsy 0
not the gnomes!!!
ThorneCrossed 9
I met a girl who actually had a sexual fetish for garden gnomes. I wouldn't mind being a gnome, she was cute. Jesus that sounded weird
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (201)
LauraKilledKenny 0
I don't blame her...garden gnomes are pure evil D:
LauraKilledKenny 0
wait...were they underwear gnomes, perhaps?
AJRand 14
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact that you raised a gnome-murderer. Sorry.
isismauve 3
sounds like king of the hill lmao
MiMs09 1
this is like the george lopez episode lol... go daughter! hate those little things >_
doglover100 29
This FML made me think of that before I read your comment.
giggitygoo12 7
I don't blame her lawn gnomes are gay
uglycrow 5
:) this made me smile.. Sometimes you just have to do bazaar things.. I once hid myself in the coat closet of some people I was forced to live with that I hated.. I then proceeded to cut all of the buttons off of their garments :)
monkiki62 5
They are pretty freaky op.
Tressa1982 18
Some punks of Halloween not only stole my brand new gnome but also all the candy including the bowl!
Jason_Voorhees 7
Who even has garden gnomes anymore?