Today, my daughter announced on Facebook that she is directly descended from extra-terrestrials. That would be okay - except she's 25 and believes it's true. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I discovered that apparently my six-year-old daughter actually believes that the United States is the only country with advanced technology. FML
Today, I found out I have a daughter. How did I find out? She added me on Facebook. FML
Today, I found out that the girl I've fallen in love with is a "young-earth/dinosaurs-lived-with-humans" crackpot. FML
Today, my daughter, who was born in late 2000, mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000. I asked her exactly how old she thinks she'll be by then. She said, "Thirty, duh." I've screwed up as a parent, so very badly. FML
Today, I found out that my daughter not only has a boyfriend, but that they're trying for a baby. She's barely 15. FML
Today, I told my daughter her mom was busy fighting aliens, so I wouldn’t have to tell her that her mom is just a shitty, self-absorbed bitch, who doesn’t deserve kids. FML
Today, I found out that my daughter has been making up horrible lies about her home life to impress some new friends. Since when is having two highly involved, loving parents with good careers and a nice home an embarrassment? FML
Today, I decided to come clean with my daughter about her adoptive status within my family. Just after I told her she was adopted, I realized that I have been telling her stories about me giving birth to her. FML
Today, I found out that my daughter has been watching Supernatural and The X-Files so she'll fit in better at school. I'm not even angry that she's suddenly a brain-dead conformist, it's just that she now has nightmares all the time and insists on sleeping in my bed. She's a kicker. FML
Today, I had to slowly explain to my daughter why her Facebook profile isn't a valid piece of ID. FML
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Top comments
kut19 6
this is just a shot in the dark, but is your daughter Lady Gaga? cause I would believe her if she was.
IndigoFuckYou 9
Make sure her 'real family' doesn't beam you up and probe your personal parts. D:
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Comments (181)
sandythongs 1
lmao nice one!
vickill 0
hahahaha is she ESE?
starwind3438 9
Has she phoned home yet?
dab123 3
We all are.
brodiegee 0
only in Queensland hey not the brightest let's hope she never breeds
MollyDollLifee 1
Don't diss QLD, we kick ass. Go the maroons!
pinkredneck30 2
she's not the only one. professors have researched this. multiple religions talk of the same gods from the sky. she's not crazy for having an open mind. don't judge her because her beliefs are not the same as yours. after all what if she is right! how would you feel then?
Pazu_fml 10
Having an open mind: not dismissing possibilities that are plausible. May have an opinion, but is willing to consider new evidence. Having a closed mind: deciding that something must be true and being unwilling to consider facts or evidence that may contradict their belief. Insisting that you were born from aliens, or making any other extraordinary assertion with zero evidence, is not having an open mind. It is the opposite.
balzackgoo 3
She didn't say she was born from aliens, just that she was descended from them...
Giest 0
Did you delete her from Facebook afterwards? I bet a lot of people did.
Tess_fml 7
Is her last name Mulder? xD
shamille 5
Kolob?
DCFan 9
Mormons are ******* weird too
frecktured 14
you'll never know OP. ETs swapped your baby with theirs when your newborn is at the nursery.