Today, my daughter announced on Facebook that she is directly descended from extra-terrestrials. That would be okay - except she's 25 and believes it's true. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I discovered that apparently my six-year-old daughter actually believes that the United States is the only country with advanced technology. FML
Today, I found out I have a daughter. How did I find out? She added me on Facebook. FML
Today, I found out that the girl I've fallen in love with is a "young-earth/dinosaurs-lived-with-humans" crackpot. FML
Today, my daughter, who was born in late 2000, mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000. I asked her exactly how old she thinks she'll be by then. She said, "Thirty, duh." I've screwed up as a parent, so very badly. FML
Today, I found out that my daughter not only has a boyfriend, but that they're trying for a baby. She's barely 15. FML
Today, I told my daughter her mom was busy fighting aliens, so I wouldn’t have to tell her that her mom is just a shitty, self-absorbed bitch, who doesn’t deserve kids. FML
Today, I found out that my daughter has been making up horrible lies about her home life to impress some new friends. Since when is having two highly involved, loving parents with good careers and a nice home an embarrassment? FML
Today, I decided to come clean with my daughter about her adoptive status within my family. Just after I told her she was adopted, I realized that I have been telling her stories about me giving birth to her. FML
Today, I found out that my daughter has been watching Supernatural and The X-Files so she'll fit in better at school. I'm not even angry that she's suddenly a brain-dead conformist, it's just that she now has nightmares all the time and insists on sleeping in my bed. She's a kicker. FML
Today, I had to slowly explain to my daughter why her Facebook profile isn't a valid piece of ID. FML
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Top comments
kut19 6
this is just a shot in the dark, but is your daughter Lady Gaga? cause I would believe her if she was.
IndigoFuckYou 9
Make sure her 'real family' doesn't beam you up and probe your personal parts. D:
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Comments (181)
playboyintown 4
did you check if she was growing a tail from her butt hole?
Whelve 7
I legitimately LOL'd at this.
ahache 0
We all are at some point or another. Aliens created humans.
ilikeemsmall 4
Don't be too hard on her, it is a plausible explanation of how life started on this planet. She might be posting an FML of how her closed minded parents won't look at all the possibilities.
lukeyg123 0
et phone home et sister say get lost, et already lost :(
GoneClubbin 9
no it would not be ok that's crazy do U want government officials snooping around your house! ya that's what I thought me neither
Blamco177 0
Oh Tom cruis, you crazy!
Meg17hearts 0
Hmm. Perhaps she's just saying that her parents are freaks?
joey_rdz 0
we were genetically engineered by the reptilian race ;)
Calyx_fml 22
That's what scientoloists believe too and there's thousands of them. Pick your reality tunnel.
hateevryone 15
you're an alien (in katy perry voice)