Today, my daughter announced on Facebook that she is directly descended from extra-terrestrials. That would be okay - except she's 25 and believes it's true. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I discovered that apparently my six-year-old daughter actually believes that the United States is the only country with advanced technology. FML
Today, I found out I have a daughter. How did I find out? She added me on Facebook. FML
Today, I found out that the girl I've fallen in love with is a "young-earth/dinosaurs-lived-with-humans" crackpot. FML
Today, my daughter, who was born in late 2000, mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000. I asked her exactly how old she thinks she'll be by then. She said, "Thirty, duh." I've screwed up as a parent, so very badly. FML
Today, I found out that my daughter not only has a boyfriend, but that they're trying for a baby. She's barely 15. FML
Today, I told my daughter her mom was busy fighting aliens, so I wouldn’t have to tell her that her mom is just a shitty, self-absorbed bitch, who doesn’t deserve kids. FML
Today, I found out that my daughter has been making up horrible lies about her home life to impress some new friends. Since when is having two highly involved, loving parents with good careers and a nice home an embarrassment? FML
Today, I decided to come clean with my daughter about her adoptive status within my family. Just after I told her she was adopted, I realized that I have been telling her stories about me giving birth to her. FML
Today, I found out that my daughter has been watching Supernatural and The X-Files so she'll fit in better at school. I'm not even angry that she's suddenly a brain-dead conformist, it's just that she now has nightmares all the time and insists on sleeping in my bed. She's a kicker. FML
Today, I had to slowly explain to my daughter why her Facebook profile isn't a valid piece of ID. FML
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Top comments
kut19 6
this is just a shot in the dark, but is your daughter Lady Gaga? cause I would believe her if she was.
IndigoFuckYou 9
Make sure her 'real family' doesn't beam you up and probe your personal parts. D:
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Comments (181)
Awahso 25
Women are from Venus...
Fakeddd 0
Women are from hell.
johnson94 5
to get more penis?
tashaburr 0
"Luke...I am your father." oh wait op is a girl =
dinodannyrawr 5
she sounds like youb brought her across the border allian hoe.
dinodannyrawr 5
you should of checked her mons vaginal hole tk see of she was carrying any drugs inside during birth.
Melissa92_fml 13
I think you're the one who needs to be checked for drugs..
sandythongs 1
i agree i think you parents need testing
LuukBaas 0
I find this hard to ********** to.
GrahamAker 3
^^^^^^ WIN. Epic
josh9256 0
well that sucks lol
Xathanos 16
Well, just say that one that we told you we're your real parents and not adopted, we forgot that we had alien masks on. Hope this clears things up :)
mismonroe 0
However she can explain her extreme enthusiasm for anal probing, right?
Bekll 31
That wouldn't be okay regardless of age!
SGT_DBL 15
*sigh* There is a VERY simple soultion for this. She posted something on the internet which she can't prove. All you have to do is reply to her post with: "Pics or it didn't happen" And she has no come back for that. Problem solved.
rattusrattus 19
Photoshop some calamari onto family photos. OP's daughter's problem solved, unfortunatly.
TaylorTotsYumm 10
But squidward isn't an alien.
drod8287 0
hahaha win
thetrollyoulike 6
oh... you should probably abort her...
steveakafranxy 7
25 years too late for that