Today, my daughter announced on Facebook that she is directly descended from extra-terrestrials. That would be okay - except she's 25 and believes it's true. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
So do some adults…
Today, I discovered that apparently my six-year-old daughter actually believes that the United States is the only country with advanced technology. FML
Today, I found out I have a daughter. How did I find out? She added me on Facebook. FML
Mad beliefs
Today, I found out that the girl I've fallen in love with is a "young-earth/dinosaurs-lived-with-humans" crackpot. FML
Today, my daughter, who was born in late 2000, mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000. I asked her exactly how old she thinks she'll be by then. She said, "Thirty, duh." I've screwed up as a parent, so very badly. FML
Today, I found out that my daughter not only has a boyfriend, but that they're trying for a baby. She's barely 15. FML
Absentee
Today, I told my daughter her mom was busy fighting aliens, so I wouldn’t have to tell her that her mom is just a shitty, self-absorbed bitch, who doesn’t deserve kids. FML
Street cred
Today, I found out that my daughter has been making up horrible lies about her home life to impress some new friends. Since when is having two highly involved, loving parents with good careers and a nice home an embarrassment? FML
Today, I decided to come clean with my daughter about her adoptive status within my family. Just after I told her she was adopted, I realized that I have been telling her stories about me giving birth to her. FML
Today, I found out that my daughter has been watching Supernatural and The X-Files so she'll fit in better at school. I'm not even angry that she's suddenly a brain-dead conformist, it's just that she now has nightmares all the time and insists on sleeping in my bed. She's a kicker. FML
Today, I had to slowly explain to my daughter why her Facebook profile isn't a valid piece of ID. FML
Top comments
kut19 6
this is just a shot in the dark, but is your daughter Lady Gaga? cause I would believe her if she was.
IndigoFuckYou 9
Make sure her 'real family' doesn't beam you up and probe your personal parts. D:
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Comments (181)
itsalanis 25
a kid at heart, perhaps?
opendoorclosed 8
We all are according to Scientology.
shakeTHEworld 12
OP, Do you think at what age is it still acceptable to believe in being a descendant of aliens?
DCFan 9
Tom Cruise use your witchcraft on me to the get the invisible fire off! haha but for real Scientology is pretty weird.
liquidfireKAN 0
there is a theory I read about a while back saying humans were like small "seeds" that fell off a comet so technically she could be right and mathematically there are other humans somewhere in the universe.
DCFan 9
^^ riiiiiiiiiiiiiight.....
TheRealBruce 12
Bruce likes this;)
garrettsgirl 0
is she mental?? meaning that in no offensive way...
liquidfireKAN 0
DCFan, please explain your sarcasm..
DCFan 9
No point in arguing with you. I really don't feel like hearing anymore of your theories or just you talk in general.
BigRed764 2
I love how everyone is so fast to call this girl dumb for believing something that is extreme possible. what could of happened would be small bacteria from other planets hit our earth on a asteroid or something and got stuck here. technically their aliens. then those bacteria EVOLVED into humans. very distant connection but it is still there. And most likely there are other forms of life throughout our universe. they don't have to be advanced but there probably is.
nigrice 0
agreed with dcfan
saaaalt 4
So let me get this straight bigred. we are ALL bacterias that overtime 'EVOLVED' into human beings? Seriously!? How do you suppose we molded into this specific shape from a bacteria? What exactly did we evolve from. Unless there was another species here that we grew from somehow? Distant would be a rather itsy bitsy, tiny weiny word for it. Call me crazy but here's an idea. We all came from two lovely people that go by the names of. Adam & Eve.
rawrriri 8
It sounds like The Ancient Astronaut Theory. I believe in it..
DocBastard 40
Ohmygodohmygodohmygod I see an "Evolution vs. Creation" debate coming! I've been hoping for one of these for a LONG time. I always get the biggest chuckles from all the creationist idiots. Oopsy!! Did I start the debate completely by accident??
changetheworld 0
It's better than beliving any religious bullshit.
changetheworld 0
Believing*
WallyTheWombat 0
I laughed REALLY hard after reading Doc's comment. I was pretty much thinking the same thing. I for one, think we are all just characters in a very distant version of Minecraft.
liquidfireKAN 0
DCFan if you read this properly I wrote "I READ about a theory" and I'm just sharing, no need to be a prick about it..
DocBastard 40
liquidfireKAN - You said "technically she could be right" which means you believe this theory, at least somewhat. Don't try backtracking now.
StormGirl142 24
Can't we all just respect each other's religions or lack thereof? There is no need for that crap. I'm Christian, and I have atheist friends. We get along just fine. The world would be a much better place if people didn't try and stuff their ideas down other people's throats. That goes for Christians, atheists, and all other religions alike. Live and let live.
A7X_LoVeee 10
Amen sister ^
MerrikBarbarian 9
so we are all horrible inbred instead? what do you know about genetic diversity and breeding? I can tell you this- you need at least 6 and ideally minimum 30-100 to have enough diversity you don't get every person inheriting every bad gene which is recessive. if we all came from 2 people it wouldn't matter if you loved bob down the road or your brother... each would be equal genetically.
DocBastard 40
NO, StormGirl, no! We can NOT all get along, because the comment section would be far less interesting and amusing that way!
chaps93 6
LOUD NOISES!!!
saaaalt 4
Oh well Hello Merrik, Honestly didn't want to get into it but hey.. If one takes the story of creation literally, then one also has no issue with the belief that God could suspend the "unfortunate" genetic outcomes that usually stem from inbreeding. Since were being technical. That's one part of the issue. If, indeed, God used Adam and Eve to begin procreation of humans, it stands to reason that the concept of incest, as we now understand it, simply did not exist. As we look back, we wrinkle our nose at the prospect, but we wrinkle it with the understanding of what we now follow has mentally and physically healthy procreation. Some will say, this is yet another example of God suspending morals for this or that to happen. Not really. Technically, it was not a "suspension" because the concept was not yet present for it to be suspended. Once the race was established, God could have reintroduced the ill-effects that come from engaging in such activity.
DCFan 9
^^ "live and let live" you ******* hypocrite!
saaaalt 4
touché asshole, touché.
liquidfireKAN 0
she could be right suggest nothing more than that itself I really don't care how I got here.. you're just taking this way too seriously.
rallets 23
oh hell yea, epic convo :D
The_Weirdo 10
I smell super hot alien butt sex. Oh wait, that's just Tom Cruse.
thatssomeBS 9
I believe God created bacteria which was floating on an asteroid. Asteroid slams into earth, bacteria evolves into humans. And that's how you smash Creationism, Evolution abd Scientology into a belief system that's every bit as believable as any one of them.
livin_plur 0
150 wins
docscientist 10
120 - That seems to be a lot of rule-bending when it would've simply been easier to create 1000s of humans. Please don't forcibly try to make sense out of something that's a simply a myth.
Iamnotmyself 17
120- God didn't have to do all the things you said, he could have started life and then watched the show, evolutionary routes are as obvious as crabs and head lice evolving into different parts of the human anatomy, or us breeding dogs. So honestly I don't see what the big deal with it *MUST* be creationism... Although I personally believe a God didn't create life.
VitaLp 14
Dear god.
ImaWiseGuy 5
op, just say she's a scientologist it's easier...
sirdolittle 0
What if god is an alien ? Technically, he's not from earth ! ;p
awesomeooo3 0
That's so weird, I just had a dream about this! Although obviously it's not true haha maybe you should talk some sense into her?
Tjack_attack 0
hey you raised her
everybodyluvsMEN 0
Oh god? She is most likely a scientologist and would find that comment offensive, since she believes she descends from aliens and that god did not maker her!
Tyler1988 0
66 Says the young one with the banana in his mouth. Your parents must be real proud
GrahamAker 3
finally something worth talking about. 1 my general belief is man was created by another species or evolved from it along with other apes. similiar to the acient astronaught theory. And similar to assassains creed those who came before. man has lived a 100,000 year life. who says that humans weren't as powerful as we are today and war happend and all tech got destroyed? then a repeat would happen as a cycle. there's a Dark Period in Human history. where no art is found but then out of nowhere it comes through caves ect. I want to hear oposition theories.
GrahamAker 3
people who always say that isn't possible yadadadada. well let ask you question imagine life 1000 year from now or even today. if all tech is turned to sand it would be IMPOSSIBLE for us to recreate even a sewing machine we'd be forced to use stone tools and become cavemen. generations down the road people woul be stupid and forget the once rich life we had. then stories like Adam and eve and how God created us IN HIS IMAGE. btw such techongoly exits to destory our elctorinc devices EMPs.
quas 0
EMP is used by the Marines and it only has a range spanned of about 100 feet and it could only turn electronics off for about 30 minutes and then it would turn again .... I know this because I just got drafted from Afghanistan Don't try to be a smart ass when your wrong …
docscientist 10
145 - those aren't theories. Theories are explanations of phenomena discovered by rigorous study and evidence, and is confirmed by peer review. What you describe is fantastical thinking at best, without any sort of evidence whatsoever.
GrahamAker 3
eh emps are step down I admit I neve said I turns into sand or anything. why do monkeys and humans have such similiarities? common ancestor humans bieng the more social type while Apes tend to copy or create then teach there fellow memeber. anyways fantasy yes but isn't a kingdom in the clouds just as a fantasy. you don't mean to tell me If all things gears books tech was destroyed or very few of this componets we'd be able to recreate or lives again? Just look at Fallout and similiar games. even 400 years after the nd of profess they haven't done anything but look for scraps. I never tried to be smartass just want to hear opoins that's all.
GrahamAker 3
I meant end of progress. such as the great war. where the world was nukes and very little tech survied.
kut19 6
this is just a shot in the dark, but is your daughter Lady Gaga? cause I would believe her if she was.
Javalounge 0
It would be more likely if she was Katy Perry, considering that she has a song called "E.T". probably a P.R. stunt though
jglenn88 0
either way both would be considered accurate.
ichikibobivopula 0
I hate lady gaga.
Spenerish 0
I enjoy Lady Gaga, for I was born this way.
NuTrees 9
sucks to be born this way. I'm born free-- M.I.A
katiekatie412 4
E.T. PHONE HOME.
bantosh 4
watching too much history channel
iluvevil01 11
God, how stupid some people can be.
birdfreak 24
wow "kids" these days. =] are you Katy Perry?
Iwashere12345 0
everyone knows only lady gaga is actually related to dinosaurs. get your facts straight
kmbry1 0
??-??
kmbry1 0
??-??
OrgasmicBunnies 9
you're only as old as you feel mentally.
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
true dat (Gheto talk).
Glitterhinoceros 14
Act your shoe size, not your age.
barmeywashere 0
Umm that will make us kids, oldest person would be 13 unless we gonna go european style we would be in our 30s/40s --
Glitterhinoceros 14
And what's wrong with that?
docscientist 10
Nothing, when you're actually 13. A lot when you're actually older.
IndigoFuckYou 9
Make sure her 'real family' doesn't beam you up and probe your personal parts. D:
ambowew 7
Scientology at its greatest.
maddi79 0
where did yu go wrong?
mismonroe 0
Maybe the same place YOU did.
sandythongs 1
lol nice one 23
sxe_beast 11
Why do YOU people get so angry over such minute typographical errors? Everyone makes them from time to time. I'm 99% certain that the person knows how to spell such a basic word. Leaving out a letter is a very common mistake. I mean come on... really?!
sleepingman11 0
nice :D
awesomeooo3 0
Read their profile. They spell it "yu" again. So I'm guessing that this is deliberate.
gmc_blossom 21
Well, of course them spelling "you" as "yu" was deliberate. I mean, most people spell it "u" but she is obviously very different so she puts the "y" in. Got to give her props for that I guess. There is hope for her still. Maybe someday she'll spell it "you". We'll all just have to hope and pray, because as long as she knows how to spell such a simple word, we can all live our lives happily.
sxe_beast 11
Well damn- my faith in humanity is gone. Why would anyone deliberately spell it that way? *brain explodes* I retract my douchey comment!
missmurderx 8
most of the kids nowadays spell it "yew". >.<
JosephJ93 0
im number 12!
loveexgirl 15
No one cares.
TaylorTotsYumm 10
Actually, I care deeply.
seenyou 3
12 - good for you :) I bet it was your dream to be the 12th
gmc_blossom 21
Congratulations. I'm so proud of you.
bjulie1998 5
where did you find your profile picture?