Today, my daughter announced on Facebook that she is directly descended from extra-terrestrials. That would be okay - except she's 25 and believes it's true. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I discovered that apparently my six-year-old daughter actually believes that the United States is the only country with advanced technology. FML
Today, I found out I have a daughter. How did I find out? She added me on Facebook. FML
Today, I found out that the girl I've fallen in love with is a "young-earth/dinosaurs-lived-with-humans" crackpot. FML
Today, my daughter, who was born in late 2000, mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000. I asked her exactly how old she thinks she'll be by then. She said, "Thirty, duh." I've screwed up as a parent, so very badly. FML
Today, I found out that my daughter not only has a boyfriend, but that they're trying for a baby. She's barely 15. FML
Today, I told my daughter her mom was busy fighting aliens, so I wouldn’t have to tell her that her mom is just a shitty, self-absorbed bitch, who doesn’t deserve kids. FML
Today, I found out that my daughter has been making up horrible lies about her home life to impress some new friends. Since when is having two highly involved, loving parents with good careers and a nice home an embarrassment? FML
Today, I decided to come clean with my daughter about her adoptive status within my family. Just after I told her she was adopted, I realized that I have been telling her stories about me giving birth to her. FML
Today, I found out that my daughter has been watching Supernatural and The X-Files so she'll fit in better at school. I'm not even angry that she's suddenly a brain-dead conformist, it's just that she now has nightmares all the time and insists on sleeping in my bed. She's a kicker. FML
Today, I had to slowly explain to my daughter why her Facebook profile isn't a valid piece of ID. FML
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Top comments
kut19 6
this is just a shot in the dark, but is your daughter Lady Gaga? cause I would believe her if she was.
IndigoFuckYou 9
Make sure her 'real family' doesn't beam you up and probe your personal parts. D:
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Comments (181)
DocBastard 40
What's the problem here? You should completely **** with her head. Here's a recipe: 1) Dress up in ridiculous alien outfit 2) Tell her she's right and that you actually are an alien 3) Let her believe it for a while 4) Show her newborn pictures, completely destroying her theory 5) Send her to insane asylum Now you're rid of her and her bullshit. Problem solved!
catatonicsleep 17
Has she read "Chariot of the Gods: Was God an astronaut?" Because that is all about us being descended from aliens, using examples like rock formations and such that supposedly proves we were visited by aliens before the human race existed and so our species could be descended from the aliens...
lightwater2520 7
That book leads me to see two possibilities Possibility 1:________________________ Possibility 2: Aliens exists________________________ Local people possessed the ingenuity to build such structures They had a way to travel here__________And did They did travel here They built structures for some purpose They abandoned said structures
MollyDollLifee 1
I have nothing to say except; "GO QLD!" and; "Long Live Legend Lockyer".
Freddy3Username 0
I'm not a religious man but I am an intelligent man. I see where she's coming from.
hehehahAho 0
How can you prove she's not?
sakforduc 0
for all you ppl saying "how can you prove she's not", are you serious? That's like me saying that I was abducted by aliens that looked like Mexican midgets and they sent me back with a penis double in size. Prove me wrong! Like come on...
Symbiont 1
OP, every living organism on Earth is likely E.T. you tard. Go back to middle school.
DrewsFML 8
I don't remember being taught Scientology in middle school. I was taught that we evolved right here on earth from the primordial ooze, we didn't fly in on DC-10's.
starkiller731 2
I don't think that would okay, no matter how old she is. lol
BIEBERSLAYER 10
why the hell are there so many posts about stupid kids?
LizzJizz 16
Lol maybe she was abducted as a child & got an anal probe o_o by someone who was simply dressed as an Extraterrestrial... O_O