Today, my daughter announced on Facebook that she is directly descended from extra-terrestrials. That would be okay - except she's 25 and believes it's true. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I discovered that apparently my six-year-old daughter actually believes that the United States is the only country with advanced technology. FML
Today, I found out I have a daughter. How did I find out? She added me on Facebook. FML
Today, I found out that the girl I've fallen in love with is a "young-earth/dinosaurs-lived-with-humans" crackpot. FML
Today, my daughter, who was born in late 2000, mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000. I asked her exactly how old she thinks she'll be by then. She said, "Thirty, duh." I've screwed up as a parent, so very badly. FML
Today, I found out that my daughter not only has a boyfriend, but that they're trying for a baby. She's barely 15. FML
Today, I told my daughter her mom was busy fighting aliens, so I wouldn’t have to tell her that her mom is just a shitty, self-absorbed bitch, who doesn’t deserve kids. FML
Today, I found out that my daughter has been making up horrible lies about her home life to impress some new friends. Since when is having two highly involved, loving parents with good careers and a nice home an embarrassment? FML
Today, I decided to come clean with my daughter about her adoptive status within my family. Just after I told her she was adopted, I realized that I have been telling her stories about me giving birth to her. FML
Today, I found out that my daughter has been watching Supernatural and The X-Files so she'll fit in better at school. I'm not even angry that she's suddenly a brain-dead conformist, it's just that she now has nightmares all the time and insists on sleeping in my bed. She's a kicker. FML
Today, I had to slowly explain to my daughter why her Facebook profile isn't a valid piece of ID. FML
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Top comments
kut19 6
this is just a shot in the dark, but is your daughter Lady Gaga? cause I would believe her if she was.
IndigoFuckYou 9
Make sure her 'real family' doesn't beam you up and probe your personal parts. D:
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Comments (181)
qtns0cal 0
get her psych help
abbikidson 0
i am tooo. stupid people ... :(!
badactor009 0
No photo needed. Many people believe in all kinds of things they can't prove. Examples include Santa Clause, Allah, Hercules, Thor, Jesus, The Flying Spaghetti Monster, Cinderpaw, invisible pink unicorns who somehow manage to be both invisible and pink. Another example is love. You can't prove it... it's really just a theory.
twistedstixx2 5
the sad part is i have a friend whos just like that :P
newburton13 26
Hey, I always feel like I'm from another planet.
knightofdarkness 21
you have got to be kidding me. what has this world come to.
Hunthas 17
it's called panspermia and it's one the competing theories for the conception of life
Cavsfodawin 21
If she were going enough to think she was descended from aliens, then she wouldn't have a facebook.