Today, I told my daughter her mom was busy fighting aliens, so I wouldn’t have to tell her that her mom is just a shitty, self-absorbed bitch, who doesn’t deserve kids. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my daughter confidently told me that I’m not allowed to ignore her when she’s sulking on purpose. That’s not how it’s supposed to work. Clearly this child has spent too long listening to my ex-wife and her coven of brain-dead cackling witches, AKA her mother and aunties. FML
Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML
Today, I found out that all of the times my mom told me that she was busy out of town wasn’t due to work, it was that she was going on vacations with her boyfriend and his kids. FML
Today, I informed my daughter-in-law that I’m a granny, not an unpaid, on-call 24/7 babysitter, and no, I will not be babysitting her kids all day so she can go to an all-day brunch with her similarly selfish girlfriends. She threw an actual tantrum and threatened to put me in a home. FML
Today, I was picking up my daughter from my ex-husband's house and his new girlfriend was there. I said to my daughter that it was time to leave and she clung to his girlfriend and said, "Mommy, I don't want to leave." She wasn't talking to me. FML
Today, after lying to my kid so she doesn’t learn how little her dad cares about her, my current husband, who didn’t know I was doing this, told her everything, such as how the last two times her dad flaked on picking her up was because he was in Vegas gambling, or in jail for hiring hookers. FML
Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML
Today, my daughter told me that she liked her "other daddy" better. I don't know who's she talking about, but my wife is doing a good job telling her to be quiet. FML
Today, in front of the entire family, I yelled at my mom and told her she wasn't a good parent. She responded with, "Well, at least I had friends when I was your age." FML
Today, without context, I overheard my daughter saying that she would “literally rather have mercury poisoning than have her mother yell at her one more time.” She’s 24. FML
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Top comments
AzraelAngelus 15
You really shouldn’t have lied to her because she’s going to idolize her mom as a hero now
Anderling 33
You shouldn’t lie to your kid like that. They’re usually smart enough to know the truth, and even if they’re not, you’re setting them up for disappointment later when the truth comes out. And when it does inevitably come out they’ll be upset at you too for lying to them.
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Comments (4)
AzraelAngelus 15
You really shouldn’t have lied to her because she’s going to idolize her mom as a hero now
RichardPencil 32
Is she one of those racist self-appointed border patrol vigilantes? To hell with her!
tiptoppc 21
Pretty sure they are all a spitting image of Bud Buckwald with the same vacuum for brains. Oh fartsocks!
HayNow 11
LMAO... I love that show.....
Anderling 33
You shouldn’t lie to your kid like that. They’re usually smart enough to know the truth, and even if they’re not, you’re setting them up for disappointment later when the truth comes out. And when it does inevitably come out they’ll be upset at you too for lying to them.
IHaveThePower 18
That's probably a good way to deal with it. She'll get old enough to deal with the truth later; for now she gets an answer that doesn't upset her. Good job letting her enjoy being a kid.