Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother were high on LSD. He then stared into the distance, mumbled "Probably explains a few things" and chuckled to himself. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML
Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML
Today, I learned that my parents lied. They didn't meet each other at an acid house rave. They met each other at a crack house. FML
Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML
Today, according to my mother, who is only 19 years older than me and raised me by herself, I was conceived in a satanic ritual to honour the Horned God and have at least 4 potential fathers. She was too stoned to remember the actual number or their names. FML
Today, I asked my dad if I was a planned baby. He asked me if the crazy drunken party he and my mom had nine months prior to my birth counted. FML
Today, my dad told me he liked men. While he was making a drunken speech. At my wedding. FML
Today, I found out my dad goes to therapy. Confused, I asked him what was going on. He said, "You" without any hesitation. I don't know if he's joking or not. If he is, I don't find that very funny. If he's not, I don't even know what I've done. FML
Today, feeling melancholic, I took a blanket out to the backyard and lay down to look at the clouds. My dad came out to ask me what I was doing. I told him, he smirked, squatted over my face, and farted. He then ran back inside and told my mom. She laughed. FML
Today, my dad seemed moody, so to lift his spirits, I told him I loved him. He just snorted, "You gay or something, boy?" Really mature, dad, really mature. FML
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Top comments
EverestMelting 23
Your parents seem really open minded. Your dad seems funny as well. Just be happy you're alive!
damn_all 22
Well hopefully it had no consequences for you.
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Comments (46)
PapaSmash 14
Should've said "thought the few things were just genetically handed down by you dad!" Pat him on the back put aviators on and walk out.
gallowsway92 1
Oh you too my parents had acid
Awnonymous 4
LSD is harmless. Look it up.
Exodiafinder687 58
I'm going to make my wife drink tea when she is pregnant so that when our baby is born he will have a British accent.