Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother were high on LSD. He then stared into the distance, mumbled "Probably explains a few things" and chuckled to himself. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML
Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML
Today, I learned that my parents lied. They didn't meet each other at an acid house rave. They met each other at a crack house. FML
Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML
Today, according to my mother, who is only 19 years older than me and raised me by herself, I was conceived in a satanic ritual to honour the Horned God and have at least 4 potential fathers. She was too stoned to remember the actual number or their names. FML
Today, I asked my dad if I was a planned baby. He asked me if the crazy drunken party he and my mom had nine months prior to my birth counted. FML
Today, my dad told me he liked men. While he was making a drunken speech. At my wedding. FML
Today, I found out my dad goes to therapy. Confused, I asked him what was going on. He said, "You" without any hesitation. I don't know if he's joking or not. If he is, I don't find that very funny. If he's not, I don't even know what I've done. FML
Today, feeling melancholic, I took a blanket out to the backyard and lay down to look at the clouds. My dad came out to ask me what I was doing. I told him, he smirked, squatted over my face, and farted. He then ran back inside and told my mom. She laughed. FML
Today, my dad seemed moody, so to lift his spirits, I told him I loved him. He just snorted, "You gay or something, boy?" Really mature, dad, really mature. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
EverestMelting 23
Your parents seem really open minded. Your dad seems funny as well. Just be happy you're alive!
damn_all 22
Well hopefully it had no consequences for you.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (46)
FrustratedJoe 10
What was higher, your self esteem or your dad?
the_Jessicaaa 11
You should probably check you surroundings. This one time something similar happened to me and I ended up falling in someone's piss
Edumcg 24
You must have a psychedelic personality ;)
715chiefs 15
That's a moment when you act crazy to screw with him. Ask him if he smelt the noise that the color blue made or something like that.
Xeebar 28
Yeah. It explains that your parents liked to have sex while on drugs :l
ggoos 8
How exactly did you and you dad get on the topic of your conception?
RedPillSucks 33
Acid flashback?
weveallbeenthere 30
nothing you can do about it. but you may understand any issues you have.
martin8337 36
As long as you're not hearing colors, seeing sounds and things are not melting around you, you'll be all right.
zZLightZz 13
LOL favorited
tehdarkness 21
At least your parents knew how to party