Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother were high on LSD. He then stared into the distance, mumbled "Probably explains a few things" and chuckled to himself. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML
Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML
Today, I learned that my parents lied. They didn't meet each other at an acid house rave. They met each other at a crack house. FML
Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML
Today, according to my mother, who is only 19 years older than me and raised me by herself, I was conceived in a satanic ritual to honour the Horned God and have at least 4 potential fathers. She was too stoned to remember the actual number or their names. FML
Today, I asked my dad if I was a planned baby. He asked me if the crazy drunken party he and my mom had nine months prior to my birth counted. FML
Today, my dad told me he liked men. While he was making a drunken speech. At my wedding. FML
Today, I found out my dad goes to therapy. Confused, I asked him what was going on. He said, "You" without any hesitation. I don't know if he's joking or not. If he is, I don't find that very funny. If he's not, I don't even know what I've done. FML
Today, feeling melancholic, I took a blanket out to the backyard and lay down to look at the clouds. My dad came out to ask me what I was doing. I told him, he smirked, squatted over my face, and farted. He then ran back inside and told my mom. She laughed. FML
Today, my dad seemed moody, so to lift his spirits, I told him I loved him. He just snorted, "You gay or something, boy?" Really mature, dad, really mature. FML
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Top comments
EverestMelting 23
Your parents seem really open minded. Your dad seems funny as well. Just be happy you're alive!
damn_all 22
Well hopefully it had no consequences for you.
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Comments (46)
RandomPatron 13
This sounds like it could come straight from Archer.
vikky538 29
well your dad remembers the day you were conceived...
worldclassrager 41
Does anyone have a normal birth on here?
only_me_4ev 8
You should start to say creepy things like purple said what? Just to **** him up
sartrow 8
that is funny as hell! your dad sounds cool and relax, I'm sure he was just playing with you (: , P.S. I woulda said that explains a lot to you about why he acts the way he acts, musta took a bad hit lol
the_real_dvd 21
How can he be sure you really even exist?
Chibi_Kitten 24
Did he mean he forgot a condom?
Sirriddler 3
Awesome! Though you might want to get some sherry in him at Christmas and ask him to clarify those points of contention in his head.
gabagabaheyu 10
wierd.
Adamantablade 8
Perhaps he was having a flashback. Perhaps of your conception