Today, I realized I'm getting fat. When going for a drive, I plugged my phone in to listen to music. I put the phone in my lap to start driving and my gut changed the song. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while driving to work in heavy traffic, I got so into the song I was listening to that I tapped my foot on the gas to the beat. I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML
Today, I was walking home, when I realized I didn't have my phone on me. After retracing my steps, I realized that I'd been listening to music from my phone the entire time. FML
Today, while riding on the car with my family, I put on my headphones and pretended to be listening to music and when my parents talked to me, I pretended I couldn't hear them. They took this opportunity to discuss how fat I was and how I can't hold down a boyfriend. They were laughing as well. FML
Today, I connected my phone to my car’s Bluetooth to listen to music. I didn’t realize my playlist had shuffled onto an old voice memo where I'd drunkenly recorded myself singing a heartfelt love song about pizza. It played as my boss got in for our carpool to a conference. I had to sit through the drive while she hummed along to “Cheese, you complete me.” FML
Today, I was walking home down a small street while listening to my iPod. I really got into the music, and started to dance really badly, only to realise there was a car following me, trying to get past. FML
Today, I couldn’t find my phone as I left work, but knew it was on me since CarPlay connected. Later, the music cut out speeding up onto the freeway. I then recalled placing it on the roof as I loaded up the car. FML
Today, I accidentally changed the radio station in my boyfriend’s car. He threw a humongous fit and started driving recklessly, almost causing an accident on several occasions. He then dropped me off at a stop sign and told me to, "walk home, you need to lose weight anyway, fat bitch." FML
Today, while getting ready for work, I realized that all my pants were getting a bit tight. When I got home from work, I went in to the bathroom and stood on the scale, which confirmed that I have gained a few pounds. I then realized that I was eating while standing on the scale. FML
Today, I stuck my hand out the car window and noticed my arm fat flapping in the wind. FML
Today, I hit the gym. With my car. FML
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Top comments
genuinegoodguy 9
Time to change more than just the song!
diraven 15
Keep at it. A prehensile gut could be trained into a useful talent.
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Comments (4)
genuinegoodguy 9
Time to change more than just the song!
diraven 15
Keep at it. A prehensile gut could be trained into a useful talent.
jfigley 5
Go to the gym! You can listen to your music there too.