Today, my dad thought it would be funny to wake me up by sprinkling catnip over me then dropping my cat on top of me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my drunk dad decided to wake me up by lobbing our cat directly into my now-mauled face. FML
Today, I woke up, got up, and felt something crunchy under my feet. My son thought it would be funny if he spread cat litter all around the house. Used cat litter. FML
Today, my cat woke me up, but not by kneading on me though. Instead, she woke me up by pouncing on the laser pointer my dad was shining on my face. FML
Today, after struggling to fall asleep due to stress, my cat decided to wake me up by standing on me and meowing until I got up. Just for me to show him that my boyfriend had already put food in his dish. FML
Today, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was jolted awake by my oldest cat who'd decided it would be perfect to power-puke all over my bed. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects. FML
Today, my cat woke me up at 3 a.m. by jumping from the shelf and landing on my nutsack. FML
Today, after encouraging my cat to try his new cat bed all day with no success, I attempted to gently place him in it. Instead, he managed to fear-spray me in the face. Like a skunk. I didn't even know cats could do that. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML
Today, my dad decided to test if Nerf guns actually hurt by sneaking up on me and shooting me with one. He missed; however, when he shot at me again, he hit my cat on my lap, causing my poor cat to run away. After desperately trying to apologize to my cat, he then shot at me a THIRD time, nailing me in the balls. FML
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Top comments
pandabrr 12
Do the same when he's sleeping.
DocBastard 40
Your dad isn't the only one who thinks it's funny. *adds this to List Of Things To Do To My Children When They Become Teenagers And Piss Me Off*
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Comments (66)
evilplatypus 39
Please don't start a cat v. dog war. This FML is so hilarious; don't ruin it by causing fights in the comments!!!
BanAnnalee 12
You poor soul, I hope he didn't scar you up too bad.
N3766 20
stop acting like a good guy you evil platypus
Link/DD 13
Put some in his mouth when he's sleeping
zaise_chsa 19
Did the cat nip you?
daisyrose104 9
dat pussy... cat
cyttex 13
No cat fml is incomplete without the one person who makes a pussy joke.
dachayke 16
Empty the litter box on him while he's sleeping
JoeyJaws68 18
Your dad was correct
Kateyez_26 13
You should sprinkle some on his balls when he's sleeping
dachayke 16
You are an evil genius.
VampOfSavannah 31
Your dad sounds awesome.