Today, my dad thought it would be funny to wake me up by sprinkling catnip over me then dropping my cat on top of me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my drunk dad decided to wake me up by lobbing our cat directly into my now-mauled face. FML
Today, I woke up, got up, and felt something crunchy under my feet. My son thought it would be funny if he spread cat litter all around the house. Used cat litter. FML
Today, my cat woke me up, but not by kneading on me though. Instead, she woke me up by pouncing on the laser pointer my dad was shining on my face. FML
Today, after struggling to fall asleep due to stress, my cat decided to wake me up by standing on me and meowing until I got up. Just for me to show him that my boyfriend had already put food in his dish. FML
Today, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was jolted awake by my oldest cat who'd decided it would be perfect to power-puke all over my bed. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects. FML
Today, my cat woke me up at 3 a.m. by jumping from the shelf and landing on my nutsack. FML
Today, after encouraging my cat to try his new cat bed all day with no success, I attempted to gently place him in it. Instead, he managed to fear-spray me in the face. Like a skunk. I didn't even know cats could do that. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML
Today, my dad decided to test if Nerf guns actually hurt by sneaking up on me and shooting me with one. He missed; however, when he shot at me again, he hit my cat on my lap, causing my poor cat to run away. After desperately trying to apologize to my cat, he then shot at me a THIRD time, nailing me in the balls. FML
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Top comments
pandabrr 12
Do the same when he's sleeping.
DocBastard 40
Your dad isn't the only one who thinks it's funny. *adds this to List Of Things To Do To My Children When They Become Teenagers And Piss Me Off*
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Comments (66)
False_Stupidity 42
Might have also figured that that was the only way you were going to get any pussy. He's just trying to help you out!
Kateyez_26 13
OP is female
TallMist 32
#31 Now, let's not assume here. OP could very well be gay, bisexual, pansexual, or bicurious just as easily as she could be straight.
jdeezy01 13
Looks like I found a way to wake up my girlfriend.
cyttex 13
Yeah 18, it kinda has the potential to.
BoltTheSuperdog 22
Did he remember to videotape it? That sounds like good YouTube material!
JoBHarvelle 7
Well that's an awkward wake up...does it claw? If do then I suggest getting it declawed if this is gonna be a reoccurring thing.
kieralumina 30
please do some research on declawing. its actually pretty cruel...
cheesy_wotsit 20
Declaw a cat??? Suggest you get your knuckles removed whilst you're at it!
davincidasecond 24
So, did you cuss your dad out, or did the cat get your tongue, too?
dachayke 16
Or did she have respect for her parents?
kieralumina 30
forget respect. I don't care if youre the queen. you do that and you are getting cussed out. making a baby doesn't mean you deserve respect. its how you treat and raise that baby into an adult that determines whether or not you deserve respect
TrollingStalker 16
That is the evilest thing I can imagine.
raininginseattle 9
Wonder where the snooze button is on that thing?
beaverteaser 16
your dad is awesome
JazNim17 18
My mom used to wake me up by playing with our puppy (the dog in my profile pic) until he was hyper and then setting him on my bed. There's no wake up call quite like getting your head pounced on and ears chewed.