Today, my dad's conspiracy theory obsession hit a new level of stupidity when he blurted, "False flag" because our toaster stopped working. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he had an intense argument with the microwave, resulting in him threatening to ground me after I tried to calm him down. FML
Today, my dad threw a waffle at my face for his own amusement. FML
Today, I stood there for 10 minutes trying to fix the toaster, until I called my brother to help me. I'd forgotten that it wasn't plugged in. He now thinks I'm a complete idiot. FML
Today, my son admitted that he worked out how to make a fuse in my house's fusebox blow, by turning on all the appliances and lights in the house at once. He's done it three days in a row because when the lights go out, I 'scream and act like Donald Duck, but with swearing' and it's hilarious. FML
Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML
Today, my kitchen nearly burned down because the fire alarm didn't detect the plumes of smoke wafting through the kitchen. This is the same alarm that wails when I use the toaster. FML
Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML
Today, my dad lost his mind over the meteorite incident in Russia. He's convinced that it's part of some big government conspiracy to cover up a UFO crash-landing, and now he won't stop dismissively calling us "sheep" and telling us "do the research" just because we don't agree with him. FML
Today, I made the mistake of taking apart and fixing a malfunctioning toaster in front of my five year-old. Two hours later, he tried to take apart a lamp that was plugged in. He shocked himself, broke the lamp, and set the carpet on fire. FML
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Top comments
misspulkadot24 17
Well, if the toaster doesn't work, then we don't eat as much bread, which will somehow prevent obesity, which will stop the lawsuits and American stigma. You're dad isn't crazy, he knows the truth!!
xlord 27
Poor America. They are like the popular kid that everyone hung out with only because he had a pool and the latest game consoles but now that his parents are broke everyone bullies him.
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Comments (88)
zandalee 20
What the hell does false flag even mean? ;)
electricshock19 12
What's false flag...
awkward611 26
I don't get this at all and I'm guessing thats just me...
JoshuahColins 19
Ahhh America...
xlord 27
Poor America. They are like the popular kid that everyone hung out with only because he had a pool and the latest game consoles but now that his parents are broke everyone bullies him.
puffleprincess 7
#29- excellent, accurate analogy. Sadly hilarious. :-/
andyxagony 6
Yup...that's us. Sadly :/
Greenmarsh 31
Haha that's so true :)
acs123acs 22
@ 49 is that us or U.S.?
cmac86 24
that's deep, dude. hilarious and true. I had to screen cap this for later.
green2go 14
There are nut jobs like that all around the world not just here
BaraSkit07 12
#63, that's true, but not enough to make a difference. Over there they seem to be called the republican party.
misspulkadot24 17
Well, if the toaster doesn't work, then we don't eat as much bread, which will somehow prevent obesity, which will stop the lawsuits and American stigma. You're dad isn't crazy, he knows the truth!!
rfid_fml 13
Not only did you win at FML today, but I think you might have just won at the internet.
erikav9669 11
Can someone tell me what "false flag" means?
184886837272837 32
A false flag operation is an operation that's carried out by the government and blamed on another government. An example of this would be many years ago when an Israeli plane bombed an American ship (under American instruction) and it was blamed on Egypt. This gave the United States government the excuse they needed to invade Egypt. Another classic example is Operation North Woods. This was a plan collaborated in the 60's that was recently declassified and you can legally view it. It contained plans to kill a couple thousand American citizens and blame it on Cuba to give the United States a reason to invade Cuba. The only person who stopped this from happening was Kennedy. The fact that he wasn't the puppet that congress and the CIA wanted made his death suspiciously convenient for them. Anyway that's a false flag.
erikav9669 11
Thank you kind stranger.
Wizardo 34
Obviously since the the spark plug is made in from parts in China where the communism is being used as a false front to promote capitalism in which America is the leading economy to benefit the most powerful man in the world, Nicolas Cage - all roads lead back to the Cage.
salazara 10
Doh!
ShakeDisPlace 10
mmmm donuts
Welshite 40
How am I supposed to make toast?
jw90 18
Quick! They've tapped the toaster!
Wizardo 34
That's the whole point... you don't.