Today, my dad lost his mind over the meteorite incident in Russia. He's convinced that it's part of some big government conspiracy to cover up a UFO crash-landing, and now he won't stop dismissively calling us "sheep" and telling us "do the research" just because we don't agree with him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML
Today, my dad refused to believe that the Animal Planet's mermaid mockumentaries were faked. Instead he got into a huge argument with me, claiming the government is covering up the existence of mermaids and must've threatened the producers to keep it quiet. FML
Today, my dad's conspiracy theory obsession hit a new level of stupidity when he blurted, "False flag" because our toaster stopped working. FML
Today, after a long discussion, my dad still doesn't understand how evolution works, and thinks it's a myth that was debunked a long time ago. FML
Today, I met up with my dad after having worked abroad for the past six months. Apparently, during that time he's had a mid-life crisis or been snorting a few too many turds, because he's now some sort of hippie calling himself "Memnoch of Pleiades". FML
Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML
Today, my dad tried to convert me, as he has numerous times before, and asked me why I was an atheist. After giving him a polite explanation and asking him if we could drop the subject, he nodded slowly and said, "You must be menstruating or something. You'll change your mind." FML
Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML
Today, I had to convince my dad that text lingo causes brain damage just to try to get him to stop. He actually believed me, and is telling everyone they have, or will receive brain damage soon. FML
Today, yet again, I got into an argument with my dad. I have a PhD in the subject. But he's "entitled to his opinion", for, as he said, he's read a summary of the history of the country in a tourist guidebook, and the general view doesn't have to be based on more detailed information. He also corrects me when I speak the language, which he doesn't know. FML
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Top comments
Skyblu10 10
Quick, grab your tinfoil hats.
143dav 8
It could be a possibility, but then genetic engineering might be their way of hiding unicorns...
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Comments (48)
Bluekaren16 19
Sheep go to heaven. Goats go to hell. (Cake reference)
wiiplay 9
I'm so sick of you, with your damn straightjacket and long line of cars!
wiiplay 9
Also a cake reference... (in case someone thought it was meant to be an insult or something)
Bluekaren16 19
If people think it is an insult then "some people like to make life a little tougher than it is"
KiddNYC1O 22
Amazing that they captured it on video. Glad you're okay!
mangoboy1 19
Well don't be so quick to dismiss him look into it
laden_swallow09 35
WHERE?? Where's the evidence? Any of it peer-reviewed? Any of it NOT referencing some other crackpot theory which there's no way to prove? You and OP's father are the delusional sheep, here. If I'm wrong, and it's a fallen alien spacecraft, then the last thing you'll be worried about is how wrong I was, wouldn't it?
wlddog 14
Just for the record, how often does the government keep information to themselves? Hmmm? I am not saying OP's dad is right, I am just saying that is there WAS a UFO crash the government would not tell us.
xXlLaMaXx 5
I'm not even going to try a "in soviet russia" joke here...
wiiplay 9
Selling premium tinfoil hats for $29.99! You'd be insane not to get one of our premium hats! Also available for pets!
wiiplay 9
Warning: May Cause Brain Damage.
LuisM104 11
Sheeeeppppp!!!! *sheeps voice* .-.
vehementbitch 4
where exactly do these parents come from???
wiiplay 9
Earth, the weirdest planet of them all.
UberNova 18
I always wonder what space faring civilisations are like, other than the stereotypical version of classy and airbrushed. Maybe they have crazy people taking about beings with limbs, bone and red goo.
firefighter925 18
'merica. that shit don't happen here. damn right aliens! lol
wiiplay 9
Russia - Nation with nuclear weapons that can destroy entire planets. America - Nation with missiles and assault rifles that can destroy buildings, people and most small countries. Sorry buddy, but I gotta side with the Russians when it comes to interplanetary combat. If the aliens come to our turf, then America would be the right nation for the job. But for pure destruction? Well, Russia isn't a force to be messed with.
Ultimate_No 7
Of course. Because there's no way America has nuclear weapons. Only Russia has those.
wiiplay 9
Russia's main claim to cold-war fame is their vast collection of nuclear weapons and various weapons of mass destruction. Does America have nuclear weapons? Well, yes. Obviously. But America isn't exactly known for having a large stockpile of nukes sitting around at some warehouse over on 49th street. Russia has the largest stockpile of 'weapons of mass destruction' in the world. Oh, and roughly 50% more nuclear warheads than the US. (US has around 2,470 warheads while Russia has around 4,650) So, I'd still side with Russia if we had to nuke the hell out of some poor alien civilization. They simply have more things capable of going 'BOOM' than America.
outoftown 27
Hope the Russians know where to aim them ;) The aliens' aim has improved slightly since they hit Tunguska in Siberia a century ago.
wiiplay 9
I honestly can't believe we're actually having a moderately serious conversation about Russians vs Aliens. Sounds like an amazing idea for a movie, though. (either that or a video game)
wiiplay 9
Honestly though, if it ever came down to it, the entirety of planet Earth would likely not be enough to stop an alien race with technology advanced enough to fly such great distances. America and Russia, as well as every other country and nation on this tiny blue planet, would have to work together... and for what? Slightly delayed annihilation? Well, whatever happens, you know I'll be spending what little time I have left watching every doomsday movie I can get my hands on... then laughing as I find out that the 'end of the world' is nothing at all like what's depicted in that Hollywood garglejunk. (ie. War Of The Worlds, Independence Day, The Day The Earth Stood Still, etc. You know, all the movies where us inferior humans managed to kick the ass of a great extraterrestrial race?)
outoftown 27
Tunguska! It's happening again! Luckily, them damn aliens can't aim worth shit.
shutupAnderson 7
In Soviet Russia, Russia smashes into unidentified flying objects.
Shadow_Phantom 26
In Soviet Russia, SPACE EXPLORE YOU!
wiiplay 9
Well, it was inevitable. Congratulations on being the first person to write an 'In Soviet Russia' joke!